IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Studies show that crime rates are lower among those with educational degrees. Therefore, the best way to reduce the crime rate is to educate criminals while they are still in prison.

#studies #show #crime #rates #degrees #rate #criminals #prison
Research has shown that educational level is a key determiner of potential criminal behaviour, leading many to suggest reorienting prisons to focus on helping inmates earn degrees. In my opinion,
this
 approach would be ineffective relative to other measures. Reformers point to the bulk of studies supporting
this
 practice. The
last
 50 years have witnessed a growth in prison programs funded by federal governments and private activists aiding prisoners earning either a high school or university
degree
. Tracking those who are released with a
degree
 compared to those without has shown a marked decrease in offenders among the former group. The reasons for
this
 are self-evidently related to the better jobs available for individuals with diplomas.
This
 tangible effect is heartening as prisons should ideally serve to rehabilitate convicts for civilian life and not simply punish them for past transgressions
while
 limiting their future career options to more criminal activity.
However
, the efficacy of prison
education
 is limited compared to improved
education
 for underprivileged segments of society. The research on
education
while
 incarcerated is dwarfed by studies on the primacy of
education
 before the onset of criminal activity. A good example of
this
 would be the persistently high crime rates among inner-city youth who do not have access to good public schools. Those who fail to graduate from high school have drastically higher rates of later criminality ranging from burglary to robbery to violent crimes. If a student is supported in their studies, they have no need to turn to crime later in life to make ends meet. Once a convicted felon, even for the rare individuals who earn a
degree
, it is difficult to find good work later. In conclusion, the unequivocal benefits of prison
education
 reform do not justify its priority over more impactful educational measures. There should be a
degree
 of balance but the most efficient solution should invariably receive the most resources.
Submitted by @ur_davrik on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
The essay is well-structured and logically sound, but it can benefit from additional examples to illustrate the concepts discussed, particularly in the argument that providing better education to underprivileged segments of society would be more beneficial than prison education.
stylistic
Try to work on language diversity to make your argument even more powerful, it may impress the reader, and raise the score. For example, 'This tangible effect is heartening as prisons should ideally serve to rehabilitate convicts for civilian life and not simply punitive them for past transgressions while limiting their future career options to more illegal activity.' could be rewritten as 'This promising outcome underpins the belief that the primary role of prisons should be to rehabilitate inmates for reintegration into civil society, rather than solely punishing them for past indiscretions and potentially pitting them towards further law breaking in search for opportunities.'

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: