IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people claim that it is immoral to exploit animals, and that the government should prohibit using animals for scientific research. In the meantime, others argue that exploiting animals is crucial for allowing scientists to learn more about human biology and health. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #animals #government #research #meantime #scientists #biology #health
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It is considered by individuals that the government should forbid scientific
research
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 for using
animals
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 as an object since it is the same as exploitation which can be stated as an immoral attitude. Meanwhile, there are others who claim that
animals
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 are vital objects for scientists to learn more about biology and health. The following essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the former. On the one hand, some people argue that the governments should ban the experiments that are using
animals
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. In fact, the public in several nations has created campaigns to stop animal exploitation in
research
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 in the United Kingdom, there was a campaign to boycott cosmetic industries, that are using
animals
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 for testers before continuing mass production.
However
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, it is an unethical experiment because
animals
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 can get hurt and even killed
due to
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 the chemical substances.
Therefore
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, the government’s role is needed to solve
this
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 issue
such
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 as creating a regulation of the standard operation procedure for scientific
research
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.
On the other hand
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, other individuals argue that
animals
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 have a crucial role in scientific
research
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. In general, scientists use
animals
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 for health studies and biology. Undoubtedly, the use of
animals
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 can give several benefits to humans in the experiments. To illustrate, in the case of health, when researchers discover new medicines, they need to test the drugs first to find out the side effects.
Nevertheless
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, it is a big risk if the drug is tested on humans.
Therefore
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,
animals
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 are used to do that. The important thing about using
animals
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 in
research
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 is scientists need to take care of their habitat by selecting the
animals
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 based on criteria
such
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 as choosing males
instead
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 of females which have a responsibility to continue breeding. In conclusion, it is understandable
that is
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 immoral to use
animals
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 as a part of
research
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.
However
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, I believe
animals
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 are vital objects for scientific experiments as long as they are still managing
animals
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’ habitats by selecting them appropriately.
Submitted by zakiyaartanti19 on

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Content
The essay is well-organized and covers both sides of the argument. However, there is room for improvement in the overall flow and coherence of arguments. Consider developing your points more extensively to enhance their clarity.
Grammar
Some sentences contain minor grammatical errors or awkward phrasing. Reviews your sentences to ensure that they are grammatically correct and that your meaning is clear.
Word Choice
The usage of 'object' to refer to animals seems inappropriate. Animals are living beings, not inanimate objects. Consider revising your language.
Argument Development
In the conclusion, you may clearly summarise each side of the argument before giving your final opinion. This would make your final position more clear and convincing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exploit
  • immoral
  • prohibit
  • scientific research
  • cruelty
  • human biology
  • ethical considerations
  • medical breakthroughs
  • compromise
  • in vitro methods
  • computer models
  • regulations
  • ethical guidelines
  • minimize suffering
  • life-saving
  • public opinion
  • animal welfare
  • inherently
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