IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

#minutes #television #free-time #people
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These days, the main electronic device that
people
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 use in their leisure
time
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 is
TV
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, so a group of
people
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 think
that is
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 changing
people
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's lifestyle owing
t
Correct your spelling
to
 the fact that they are not active like in the past and they do not spend their
time
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 with the public. I subscribe to
this
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 idea inasmuch as Watching too much Television, prevents global communities from spending their leisure
time
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 on the
TV
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instead
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 of doing other activities, and they do not entertain with their friends. On the one hand, the best
time
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 that
people
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 can travel to other areas, play sports, or spend their
time
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 in the nurture is their free
time
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.
However
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, when they just sit in front of the
TV
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, they waste their
time
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 on the non-essential elements that benefits cannot eclipse their demerits. In fact, the scientific program improves their knowledge;
however
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, watching too much
TV
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 causes physical laziness and encourages
people
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 to have a sedentary lifestyle.
On the other hand
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,
TV
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 creates a chance for
people
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 not to go out with other
people
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 in their free
time
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.
For instance
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, in the past, communities only could watch Films at the cinema;
consequently
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, they spent a great deal of
time
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 with their friends, family, and so on and had social interaction with them. Now
TV
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 provides a satisfactory situation for international citizens
due to
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 the fact that they have a pastime in their house with less money.
To sum up
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, In my opinion, in a new era, television is one of the main factors
that is
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 a kind of barrier to the
people
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's experience
that is
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 obtained from doing sports
,
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apply
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 and having trips to various areas .
In addition
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, it changes
people
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's communication that the entertainment on vacation generates for the global inhabitants.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a well-structured introduction and conclusion, but the ideas within the paragraphs could be more logically organized. Consider using clearer topic sentences to guide the reader.
Task Achievement
While you've provided an objective response to the task, try to ensure each paragraph expands on a single main idea with supporting details. Some points were not fully developed.
Task Achievement
The essay topic is addressed directly and you've made a clear statement about your position, which you continue to discuss through the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
You included an introduction and a conclusion, providing a coherent structure to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Cognitive laziness
  • Social interaction
  • Isolation
  • Face-to-face
  • Mentally stimulating
  • Catalyst for social gatherings
  • Educational content
  • Intellectual growth
  • Physical laziness
What to do next:
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