Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

#sports #professionals #money #people #professions

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Nowadays,

people

Use synonyms

who excel in sports can earn a large amount of money.

By contrast

Linking Words

, the salaries of some crucial jobs that play a vital role in society are so low. In some

people

Use synonyms

's opinion,

this

Linking Words

issue is not fair,

however

Linking Words

, opponents of

this

Linking Words

view believe professional

players

Use synonyms

deserve higher revenue.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, some

people

Use synonyms

, especially the

people

Use synonyms

who run huge corporations, think that

players

Use synonyms

should be paid a

lot

Use synonyms

of money. They have several reasons for their selection. First of all, they mention the popularity and fame of

players

Use synonyms

Due to

Linking Words

their fame, they can utilize them in advertising and attract

people

Use synonyms

who follow and like them to buy their goods and products. Actually, because of financial issues that lead to earning a

lot

Use synonyms

of money in a short period of time, they support these ideas. On the one hand, the majority of

people

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who disagree with paying a large amount of income to sports

players

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point out that their job is not important and does not have a great influence on the progress of countries.

For instance

Linking Words

, they refer to some important occupations that have a

lot

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of effects on societies. Some work is related to human health, and

as a result

Linking Words

, imagining the world without them is impossible.

For example

Linking Words

, it can refer to doctors who save human lives. Obviously, their job is much more crucial than

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

players

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because, if one player had made a mistake, their team would lose.

Although

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

issue is considered by hordes of folks, it is not as vital as human lives. To wrap it all up, both sides of ideas have their own supporter, but I would rather the idea which

emphasize

Change the verb form

emphasizes

show examples

unfair

Add an article

the unfair

show examples

distribution of income. In my view, doctors or engineers ought to focus on their activities to perform at the highest level.

In addition

Linking Words

, fulfilling

exception

Correct article usage

the exception

show examples

people

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needs a

lot

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of attention.

Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on Thu Sep 28 2023

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Grammar & Vocabulary

There are some issues with grammar and word choice throughout, which can interrupt the reader's understanding.

Coherence & Cohesion

The presentation of ideas could be more logically structured and clear to improve coherence and cohesion. Don't jump between opposing views too quickly.

Task Achievement

Try to provide more specific examples to support your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

318 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial remuneration
exceptional
merit
talent
demand
entertainment value
career span
physical demands
justified
unfair
criticism
income inequality
societal priorities
sportsmanship

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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Include an introduction and conclusion

some people think increasing the cost of fuel is the best way to solve global problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?

ITELS Writing Task 2 Model Answer: Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?