IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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Food
Use synonyms
 is essential for every creature to survive.
However
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,
although
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 agriculture has become more and more advanced, there are a lot of individuals all over the world still suffering from hunger. There appear to be two main causes of
this
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, and several possible solutions, as I will elaborate on below. Perhaps the main cause of
this
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 problem is unequal
food
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distribution
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. Even though
food
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 production increases, people in many areas cannot gain fair access to agricultural output, so they lack
food
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supplies
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 and nutrients. Taking
Asmat
Correct article usage
the Asmat
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 district in Papua located in Indonesia, many children have experienced malnutrition
due to
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 limited access to nutritious
food
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supplies
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.
As a result
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, around 70 children passed away.
In addition
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, extreme climate changes
such
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 as drought and flooding frequently disturb
food
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 manufacturing.
This
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 led to crop failure and no
food
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supplies
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 that could be distributed to the society
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 could result in widespread famine. Regarding potential solutions, probably the main remedy would be to enhance the access to transport and infrastructures to ensure the
distribution
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 of
food
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 is more prevalent. Tiongkok,
for instance
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, has invested in developing roads, railways, and
food
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distribution
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 centres in the countryside. These improvements make
food
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supplies
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 easier to deliver to the communities. Another solution may be to develop sustainable agriculture which is environmentally friendly to face climate change.
For example
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,
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
 is well-known for its hydroponic and aeroponic farming methods which enable farmers to plant vegetables and others without using soil. Farmers in the Netherlands use these methods to improve
food
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 security to face climate change, with more efficient yields in a limited space. In conclusion, it seems that unequal
distribution
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 of
food
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 and alterations related to humidity are the key factors behind
food
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 insecurity.
Moreover
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, establishing sustainable farming and improving basic systems and services
such
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 as transportation would be a possible solution to tackle
this
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 problem.

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task achievement
Consider refining your arguments by providing a broader context for hunger beyond the immediate factors mentioned. This can enhance the clarity of the issue and make your response feel more complete.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your main points are clearly delineated and explored in depth. While you support your claims, some points could benefit from further elaboration or additional examples.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check for grammatical or stylistic variations (e.g., 'Tiongkok' is not commonly used in English; instead, 'China' is preferable). Additionally, review punctuation and sentence structure for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which effectively aids coherence.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples within your main points, which adds strength to your arguments and helps illustrate the concepts discussed.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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