IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Now it is easy to apply for and be given a credit card. However, some people experience problems when they are not be able to pay their debts back. In your opinion, do advantages of credit card outweight the disadventages?

#credit #card #people #debts #outweight #disadventages
Nowadays, using
credit
cards
 become more and more widespread.
Although
 it allows us to own
items
 we want but cannot afford, we may lose a limit in spending money from the
cards
. There are several advantages of using the
credit
cards
. Since we will be able to own goods that are essential for us but not affordable for our finances, It is supportable. To be more precise,
items
 will be paid later but owned right now.
For instance
, when individuals need to buy a coat for the winter season, they may not be able to allow themselves to do it.
As a result
, the
credit
cards
 play a major role in buying the coat. If we do not have the
cards
, we will not be able to own the necessary clothes.
Therefore
,
credit
cards
 are not only convenient
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 essential
items
 in our daily life.
On the other hand
, there are several drawbacks of trading
cards
 in our daily life. Since We may not be able to take
control
 of our expenses, we may go into huge debt. To be more precise, it will be complicated to take
control
 of our spending and cover them later.
For example
, when people introduce
credit
cards
 into their lives, they own
items
 that are neither necessary nor useful at all.
As a consequence
, they are in huge debt by considering debt covering.
Thus
, trading
credit
cards
 may not be practical,
due to
 a lack of
control
. By taking both sides into account, I consider that the benefits of using
credit
cards
 outweigh the disadvantages
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since it will allow us to have financial freedom if want to buy an important product. If consumers took
control
 of themselves, there would not be issues with too much spending.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to elaborate more on how credit cards can provide financial freedom and offer additional relevant examples. This will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, successfully addressing the prompt.
task achievement
You offer a balanced perspective by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of credit cards.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured and organized, making it easy to follow your argumentation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: