IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Now it is easy to apply for and be given a credit card. However, some people experience problems when they are not be able to pay their debts back. In your opinion, do advantages of credit card outweight the disadventages?

#credit #card #people #debts #outweight #disadventages
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Nowadays, using
credit
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cards
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 become more and more widespread.
Although
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 it allows us to own
items
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 we want but cannot afford, we may lose a limit in spending money from the
cards
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. There are several advantages of using the
credit
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cards
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. Since we will be able to own goods that are essential for us but not affordable for our finances, It is supportable. To be more precise,
items
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 will be paid later but owned right now.
For instance
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, when individuals need to buy a coat for the winter season, they may not be able to allow themselves to do it.
As a result
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, the
credit
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cards
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 play a major role in buying the coat. If we do not have the
cards
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, we will not be able to own the necessary clothes.
Therefore
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,
credit
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cards
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 are not only convenient
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
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 essential
items
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 in our daily life.
On the other hand
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, there are several drawbacks of trading
cards
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 in our daily life. Since We may not be able to take
control
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 of our expenses, we may go into huge debt. To be more precise, it will be complicated to take
control
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 of our spending and cover them later.
For example
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, when people introduce
credit
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cards
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 into their lives, they own
items
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 that are neither necessary nor useful at all.
As a consequence
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, they are in huge debt by considering debt covering.
Thus
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, trading
credit
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cards
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 may not be practical,
due to
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 a lack of
control
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. By taking both sides into account, I consider that the benefits of using
credit
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cards
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 outweigh the disadvantages
,
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apply
show examples
 since it will allow us to have financial freedom if want to buy an important product. If consumers took
control
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 of themselves, there would not be issues with too much spending.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on how credit cards can provide financial freedom and offer additional relevant examples. This will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, successfully addressing the prompt.
task achievement
You offer a balanced perspective by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of credit cards.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured and organized, making it easy to follow your argumentation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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