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Writing Samples
Band 8

Counties with long working days are more successful economically, but there are some negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#counties #consequences
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There are citizens' efforts behind every successful
economy
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. It is believed by a few individuals that long working
hours
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 contribute towards the success of a nation's
economy
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, but as a ,result it causes destructive social development. I completely agree with
this
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 notion to a significant extent, in the following essay I will shed light on my viewpoint.
Firstly
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, There are major advantages to extended working days.
To begin
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 with, all individual people's daily
work
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 and effort run the country's
economy
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 and those who
work
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 longer, mean adding extra effort on top of it.
Furthermore
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, additional time spent on office
work
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 added together and runs an
economy
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 speedily, which ultimately puts their nation first globally.
For example
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, the World's top 3 economies like US, China and Japan, are only because their local citizen daily used to spend an additional one or two
hours
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 on top of their regular eight
hours
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.
Hence
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, hard
work
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 pays off for a successful
economy
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.
Secondly
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, There are some drawbacks of longer office
hours
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 as well. To start with, spending additional
hours
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 in the
work
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 area deducts family time too. To explain it
further
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, most humans have families and are socially connected with each other. If every individual start spending more
hours
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 in the office, they not only start getting disconnected from the community but
also
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 create adverse effects on their individual relationship.
Moreover
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,
this
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 will generate gap and crack in individuals' family.
For example
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, Even though China currently is in the top three
economy
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-wise, they are on the lower side happy citizen index
due to
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 irregular job days. In conclusion, Even though it is proven that more working days more the country on top economically, but may evolve negative waves socially.
Submitted by maheshluhar on

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Grammar
Try to avoid sentence fragments. For example: '...economically, but as a ,result it causes destructive social development.' Ensure you proofread your essay to catch and correct these errors.
Structure
Consider refining your opening statement to make a stronger direct connection to the question raised in the prompt.
Vocabulary
Avoid overusing the word 'successful', 'economically' and 'effort'. It will make the writing sound repetitive and a little simplistic.
Content
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples. For instance, you could elaborate on the situations in the mentioned countries that show the consequence of extended working hours.
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