IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Fewer young people play sports these days. Why is this? What can be done to encourage more young people to do sports?

#people #sports
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It is claimed that the youth are not interested in playing
sports
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 compared to in the past. There are some main reasons
along with
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 potential solutions which will be indicated in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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,
due to
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 an occupied schedule and a rise in interesting entertainment, sport is not a priority for the spare
time
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 of the young generation. When
people
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 are too busy working or studying, they absolutely do not have that much free
time
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.
As a result
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, they would love to utilize their
time
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 as efficiently as possible.
Instead
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 of practising some
sports
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, they are likely to choose other relaxing methods
such
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 as going to the cinema, playing games, and so on.
In particular
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, these choices take less work, and more fun in comparison to playing
sports
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, especially when they are already exhausted.
In addition
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, young
people
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 may be not aware of its importance to their physical and mental health.
Thus
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, it does make sense for a decrease in the number of
sports
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 players.
Secondly
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, organizing some weekly or monthly tournaments at work or school will be effective in terms of promoting
sports
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 concerns. Obviously, competition is always the best thing to attract
people
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, especially with wonderful rewards.
Consequently
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,
people
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 have more incentives to invest their
time
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 in it.
For example
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, the school can run a tournament between teachers and students every month, and the reward would be something like cupcakes, cleaning duty elimination, and so on. Potentially, losers will be regretful to improve on by practising more. For that reason, playing
sports
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 will gradually become a good habit for
people
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. In conclusion,
sports
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 may not be keen on by young
people
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 nowadays owing to individual plans and many entertaining alternatives could be barriers, but there are still many ways to enhance it.
Submitted by namle.ivce on

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task achievement
Expand on the reasons why young people are not interested in playing sports.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points of the essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Use more complex sentence structures.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • engagement
  • incentives
  • obesity
  • recreation
  • well-being
  • peer pressure
  • physical fitness
  • endurance
  • balance
  • teamwork
  • coordination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • discipline
  • facilities
  • accessible
  • affordable
  • curriculum
  • extracurricular
  • inclusion
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