The pie chart below compare water usage in San Diego, California, Worldwide

#water #usage #san #diego #california

The pie charts depict

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water expenditure in San Diego, California and Worldwide.

Overall

, it is noticeable that the highest expenditure was on

agriculture

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the

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Worldwide throughout the

period

and the smallest was

also

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Worldwide but on residential.

To begin

with San Diego, residential accounted for 60 % which is over four times bigger than

agriculture

, 17 %.

Moreover

, in terms of residential, it had the largest proportion over the

period

in question.

Therefore

, industry obtained only 23 %. In terms of California, there was a negligible difference

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5 % between residential,

industly

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industry

and

agriculture

, namely 33 %, 39 % and 28 %. With regards to the Worldwide,

the

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agriculture

accounted for 69 % which was the most popular over the

period

in question.

Consequently

, residential obtained 8 % which is over two times smaller than industry, namely 23 %.

However

, the figure for residential had the lowest proportion throughout the

period

Submitted by aikumarbekarys on Fri Sep 29 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words agriculture, period with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

156 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The pie chart below compare water usage in San Diego, California, Worldwide

Some believe that pupils should be given less homework, others say the opposite. What is your opinion?

Living in the countryside is better than living in the city. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Everybody should be allowed admission to university study programs regardless of their level of academic ability. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?