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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie chart below compare water usage in San Diego, California, Worldwide

The pie chart below compare water usage in San Diego, California, Worldwide
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The pie charts depict
a
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water expenditure in San Diego, California and Worldwide.
Overall
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, it is noticeable that the highest expenditure was on
agriculture
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in
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the
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Worldwide throughout the
period
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 and the smallest was
also
Linking Words
in
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Worldwide but on residential.
To begin
Linking Words
 with San Diego, residential accounted for 60 % which is over four times bigger than
agriculture
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, 17 %.
Moreover
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, in terms of residential, it had the largest proportion over the
period
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 in question.
Therefore
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, industry obtained only 23 %. In terms of California, there was a negligible difference
in
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of
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 5 % between residential,
industly
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industry
 and
agriculture
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 , namely 33 %, 39 % and 28 %. With regards to the Worldwide,
the
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agriculture
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 accounted for 69 % which was the most popular over the
period
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 in question.
Consequently
Linking Words
, residential obtained 8 % which is over two times smaller than industry, namely 23 %.
However
Linking Words
, the figure for residential had the lowest proportion throughout the
period
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words agriculture, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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