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Band 6.5

some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink that has scientifically been proved to have bad effects on people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #shops #food #drink #effects #people’s #health
It is argued that should be prohibited to sell in stores food and drinks that have been proven scientifically to be harmful to individuals’ well-being.
However
,
this
 essay completely agrees with
this
 statement because it will nutrition-related defects will be reduced and specialists can do more important work. Not allowing establishments to sell
products
 which are bad for people’s health will decrease the number who get problems related to nutrition.
That is
 because by reducing availability and accessibility to food and drink which are unhealthy, people won’t be able to buy them and will not consume them, so there will be fewer plagues associated with diet. Recent research concluded that if injurious
products
 were forbidden,
then
 around 80% of maladies related to food would disappear. Another reason is that it will reduce the number of scientists needed in the nutrition area, so they can work in more important sectors
As a consequence
 to say that doctors can be distributed to sectors that need more help,
such
 as tumours and cancer illness where solutions are not found yet.
For example
, in Spain, a lot of people died because they couldn’t go to the hospital on time, since individuals need to make appointments several months in advance because they have to wait for 3 to 10 months after making the appointment. In conclusion, banning
products
 which are dangerous to people’s welfare will lower the number of people getting ill and experts can be used in sectors that need them the most, I,
therefore
, believe that unhealthy
products
 should be forbidden.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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Task Response
In your introduction, clearly state your position and the reasons for it. Also, ensure that your conclusion summarizes your arguments and restates your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on developing clearer topic sentences and ensure each paragraph addresses a separate aspect of the argument. Use linking words and transition signals to improve the overall coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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