Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extend do you agree with this view?
There has been an increasing number of spending taxes on modern and historical
arts
by the government
, while
others disagree and feel that the use of taxes should be prioritised for the unfortunate people
who suffer from difficulties. I am partially in favour of this
statement.
On the one hand, it is noticeable that arts
are an essential part of our life, and have beneficial effects for a wide variety of people
. For instance
, in educational arts
, children and young people
can express and experience their emotions, feelings, and thoughts freely through a blank canvas instead
of in words. These school curriculums, therefore
, foster students to develop imagination and creativity. Moreover
, this
is not only for the young people
but also
the arts
help the old and disabled to improve their intellectual skills and protect against diseases. If those people
participate in music and dance activities, which include physical and mental movement, prevent further
adverse incidents, namely dementia and other cognitive disorders. Also
, especially people
who are autistic, express their thoughts incredibly clearly in arts
without speaking or any verbal interactions. As a result
, it is considerably worthwhile flourishing the field of arts
with government
subsidies.
On the other hand
, a large number of people
need support from the government
for daily necessities. For example
, in recent years, inflation and recession have significantly impacted the public, and it has been getting considerably difficult to purchase just basic groceries, and clothes and pay rent. Consequently
, needless to say, the government
should prioritize taking a measure for those people
rather than spending taxes on unurgent matters such
as the arts
without considering priorities.
In conclusion, being satisfied with artistic education, cultures, and traditions is a vital part of one’s life, however
, in my opinion, to meet public needs, the government
should contemplate the primary issues from different directions rather than only focus on improving the arts
.Submitted by slowloris4444 on
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Sentence Structure
Try to make your points more clear and concise. Some sentences are too complex and could be simplified. For instance, 'If those people participate in music and dance activities, which include physical and mental movement, prevent further adverse incidents, namely dementia and other cognitive disorders.' could be rephrased to 'Participation in musical and dancing activities can help protect individuals, especially the elderly and disabled, against diseases like dementia and other cognitive disorders.'
Use of Linking Words
Add linking phrases such as 'Therefore', 'Subsequently' or 'Resulting in' to introduce your results and improve the logical flow of your sentences.
Word Choice
The expression 'unurgent matters' sounds informal. Look for a more formal alternative such as 'non-urgent issues' or 'areas that are not of immediate concern'.