IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries around the world rural people are moving to cities so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
Nowadays, the population in the
countryside
 in many countries is going down because they are migrating massively into the
city
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the positive effects of these situations.
To begin
, the huge number of
people
 who moved to the
city
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is improving their skills and
knowledge
 to be better in
work
Add an article
the work
show examples
 field. The lack of education in the
countryside
 might be outdated and less of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
expert who contributes in the village
instead
 of in the
city
.
Moreover
, there are many experts at work living in the
city
,
both
 local and international experts. They have the capability to teach
both
 skill and
knowledge
.
Therefore
, it is easy for us to learn from the experts which effect to reduces the cost of study.
In addition
, these capabilities might be easy to transfer to the next
generation
 in the village area. It is one way of solving to transfer
knowledge
 rapidly to close the gap
lack
Change preposition
of lack
show examples
 of
both
 skill and
knowledge
.
On the other hand
, living in the
city
 brings more of an issue regarding transferring cultural
knowledge
 to the next
generation
. A lot of
culture
 needs to be protected to
keep
Verb problem
apply
show examples
exist in the future. It might be one of the resources to grow the economic level in the
countryside
.
For instance
, the
balinese
Change the capitalization
Balinese
show examples
 dance still exists now.
Both
 local and international tourists enjoy watching these attractions.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is because there is a transfer of
knowledge
 and skill from the elderly to the next
generation
.
Moreover
,
this
culture
 already become one of the income for the rural
people
 in Bali.
To conclude
, the huge number of
people
 who migrate to the
city
 positively affects the
countryside
. They can improve skills and
knowledge
 which is more expert in the work field who stay in the
city
.
On the contrary
, the village
culture
 has to keep
exist
Wrong verb form
existing
show examples
 in the future by the next
generation
. Some of the
culture
Change to a plural noun
cultures
show examples
 might create income for local
people
.
Submitted by haloalwan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: