IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports like tennis or swimming is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One
Use synonyms
 school of thought holds that there are a variety of advantages to joining
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
team
sports
Use synonyms
, like football,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that it is more regarding playing solo activities.
This
Linking Words
 essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of the former notion. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, some people think that solo
sports
Use synonyms
 could be advantageous to a certain extent.
Firstly
Linking Words
, taking part in individual
sports
Use synonyms
 could bring more benefits
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 mental health for players. There is more time to
practice
Use synonyms
 and
practice
Use synonyms
 more often because there is no help from each other, so it will have to work more.
Secondly
Linking Words
, playing
sports
Use synonyms
 alone helps people to
practice
Use synonyms
 independence. There is no
one
Use synonyms
 to remind them to
practice
Use synonyms
 and no
one
Use synonyms
 to motivate them, so they must develop self-discipline and cultivate perseverance.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that playing
sports
Use synonyms
 in teams has more merits.
One
Use synonyms
 reason is that by taking part in groups, participants could be able to make new relationships.
In addition
Linking Words
, team members are always cheerful and supportive throughout the game, we can talk together and share experiences with each other,
such
Linking Words
 as goals,
Use synonyms
skills
Correct word choice
and skills
show examples
, and sometimes it could be a lifestyle. Another reason is that we can develop their collaboration and social
skills
Use synonyms
. A prime example of
this
Linking Words
 is a study published by Oxford University which revealed that social
skills
Use synonyms
 are much more refined in athletes who participate in group
sports
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because they have to communicate with teammates more to discuss strategy and how to play,
moreover
Linking Words
, when playing
sports
Use synonyms
 with more people, it will be more controversial rather than playing alone, so players need to
practice
Use synonyms
 the ability to handle situations it is good to not occur in conflict. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it is irrefutable that
while
Linking Words
 individual activities may be rewarding monetarily, developing social
skills
Use synonyms
 through team
sports
Use synonyms
 is much more important. I believe that humans are social creatures and developing social
skills
Use synonyms
 is essential in our lives.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify the main argument in the introduction to make your position clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a smooth transition between ideas within paragraphs and between paragraphs to improve flow and comprehension.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to reinforce your points, especially in the challenges faced in individual sports.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the essay's purpose and your stance.
content
You demonstrate a good understanding of both perspectives on the issue, which enriches the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • team spirit
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • leadership
  • trust
  • collective responsibility
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • self-discipline
  • goal setting
  • tailored development
  • flexibility
  • social support
What to do next:
Look at other essays: