IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission outweigh the diadvantages ?

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Several museums require an entrance fee
whereas
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 some of them are free of charge. There are some concerns about whether the phenomenon has certain demerits
such
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 as the possibility of over-capacity. Considering its negative impacts, I personally believe that historical places must charge at least $2 ticket for the tourist. In
this
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 essay, I will look at the pros and cons and
also
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 draw some conclusions. On the one hand, if monuments allow visitors to travel without an admission ticket, the number of the audience will surge outrageously, which is beneficial for the popularity of the
museum
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. Increasing audiences means having more people learn about the history of an event presented at the
museum
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.
For instance
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, in Indonesia, the free-of-charge National
Museum
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 has become the most-visited destination for tourists.
In addition
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,
this
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 trend will
further
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 bring positive economic impacts to the surroundings including gift shops, nearby restaurants, and transportation services.
On the other hand
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, unfortunately, the overly crowded
museum
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due to
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 the free admission has two negative effects.
Firstly
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, visitors won't be able to enjoy the minuscule details of collections displayed inside the monument because of the traffic.
For example
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, at the National
Museum
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 of Indonesia, we need to queue for approximately ten minutes only to see our Founding Father's curated paintings for a half minute.
Moreover
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, the over-capacity might contribute to the faster building and operational tools depreciation. In conclusion, museums with no entrance fee do have merits and demerits in terms of how the crowd will act.
Although
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 more people will be literate about history, I do believe that its disadvantages outweigh its advantages owing to the
museum
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's over-crowded downsides.
At the end
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 of the day, paying a $2 ticket to visit a
museum
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 will drive us to not take the learning opportunity for granted.

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task achievement
Ensure a more nuanced exploration of the topic beyond the advantages and disadvantages. Consider the broader implications of your argument.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, make sure to use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly sets up the essay topic and your stance, which provides a good foundation for the reader.
supported main points
Your use of specific examples, like the National Museum in Indonesia, effectively supports your points and makes your argument more convincing.
logical structure
Your essay maintains a logical structure, which helps the reader follow your argument easily.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • maintain
  • improve
  • facilities
  • visitor experience
  • invest
  • high-quality exhibits
  • educational programs
  • preservation
  • artifacts
  • fund research
  • educational outreach
  • engage
  • academic
  • cultural understanding
  • limit access
  • socioeconomic backgrounds
  • barrier
  • enriching experiences
  • inclusivity
  • lifelong learning
  • over-crowding
  • diminished
  • strain
  • resources
  • pay as you wish
  • compromise
  • accessibility
  • revenue
  • upkeep
  • special projects
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