IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

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Nowadays, most
workers
Use synonyms
 can not do exercise during working days.
Also
Linking Words
, it is not possible to fulfil it in their spare time.
Thus
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, their body will face health problems. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall elaborate on the reasons and discuss more about how we will be able to solve
this
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 issue properly. On the one hand, it is obvious that employees have to
work
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 harder than before in terms of life expenditure.
In other words
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, if
workers
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 do not consider full-time working
hours
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, they will not be able to cover their expenses.
Therefore
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, they do not have enough time to spend on leisure activities.
Moreover
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, most employers compel their labourers to
work
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 overtime working
hours
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. They argue that
this
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 method will help them to improve efficiency.
However
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,
this
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work
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 style will be frustrating
due to
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 the lower effectiveness of productivity.
For example
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, in India, most manufacturing companies prefer to hire
workers
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 who can
work
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 for more
hours
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. They assume that
this
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 way of working will be profitable as they will be able to increase their marginal benefits.
On the other hand
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,
firstly
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, the government must inspect corporations through regular inspections. So, it is better to control the working environment by restrictive actions that can punish the guilty employers.
Secondly
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, it is crucial to pay attention to how we will be able to decrease extra
work
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 for our labourers and force them to spend enough time on their tendencies,
such
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 as family and exercise activities.
For instance
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, in the USA, some clients prepare sports centres at the workplace for their
workers
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 to compel them for more physical activities. In conclusion, the expensive cost of living and overworking are the main causes that do not allow
workers
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 to focus on physical fitness. It is vital to ask the government to force companies to use strict laws to decrease extra working
hours
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.
Also
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, corporations must be committed to providing a better working environment for their
workers
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,
such
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 as a costless gym or swimming pool.

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task achievement
While your essay provides relevant points, it can be improved by better structuring your arguments and providing more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay generally flows well, but working on the transitions between paragraphs could improve coherence. For instance, linking sentences connecting the ideas of overworking to lack of exercise would be helpful.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize the main points, which provides a strong framework for your essay.
complete response
You address both parts of the task by discussing reasons for lack of exercise and potential solutions, which showcases a complete response.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
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