Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Throughout history,
competition
has been one of the paramount challenges in various communities, significantly schools. A plethora of people believe that a competitive atmosphere in academic places can cause negative side effects on children, but I take sides with individuals who argue that it is necessary for students to be in that situation to be encouraged.
This
essay intends to compare these views and give a comprehensive conclusion. Nurturing in a competitive society affects mankind's life in many aspects, particularly in the childhood era.
This
kind of society causes emotional harm
as well as
physical harm. Being
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
not only in school but
also
in the house is the most critical effect of those societies. A recent study at Cambridge University revealed that the vast majority of children who were studying in private schools in London, which had a competitive atmosphere, were more stressed than those who studied in free schools.
In addition
, these students are more likely to attack physically to their components.
On the other hand
, successful individuals often come from competitive environments, since they try their best to fulfil their dreams by achieving the best positions.
Moreover
, they should learn how to develop a proper balance between success and
competition
, which can be done by parents' and teachers' observations, because healthy
competition
is an essential requirement of achievement. In conclusion,
although
uncontrolled
competition
can develop a number of emotional and physical defects for pupils, its benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Parents and authorities should take steps to foster a healthy competitive environment for the offspring,
hence
in the future more successful people will rule the world.
Submitted by g.bohlouli96 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • undue stress
  • academic achievement
  • critical thinking
  • interpersonal skills
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • social isolation
  • bullying
  • reduced collaboration
  • motivation
  • achieve their goals
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • innovation
  • improvement
  • outperform
  • higher standards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: