Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? Write at least 250 words.
Nowadays parents purchase numerous
toys
for their children
. From my perspective, having many games
could enhance children
's development in several aspects, while
some drawbacks could also
be observed.
The advantages of having a large number of toys
for pupils’ development are many. First and foremost, it facilitates pupils to enhance their knowledge about a lot of things. For instance
, pupils who are under 2 years old will have the ability to differentiate between dark and light colours and also
types of shapes earlier since they have numerous things to learn and to compare through their toys
. Secondly
, kids are able to be happier than before. If kids have many toys
, they might not feel bothersome as they have some choices to play with. Scientists believe that this
condition will boost both dopamine and serotonin hormone in a child’s body,
so that they will be happier. Remove the comma
apply
Thus
, by having many toys
not only will child foster their knowledge, but also
they will be happier.
However
, children
who have many games
usually neglect their sleeping time
. Study reveals that when pupils have many choices of games
, they tend to spend the majority of their time
playing with their games
as they have high curiosity about that sort of thing, leading to ignoring the
sleeping Correct article usage
apply
time
. Consequently
, they might have sleep deprivation, and this
condition is not good for pupils’ health.
In conclusion, the advantages of having many toys
outweigh the disadvantages. Nevertheless
, I also
advocate that parents should have strict rules about time
management in playing games
for children
to avoid unintended consequences.Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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Task Achievement
Ensure that you are providing specific examples to support your points. Statements like 'Study reveals that when pupils have many choices of games, they tend to...' should reference actual studies or provide hypothetical, but realistic examples for greater impact and to satisfy the examiner's expectations for specificity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating a more logical structure in your essay by using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively. This will improve the flow of ideas and the overall coherence of your writing. Each new point should start a new paragraph, and you should use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and generally focused, which is good. However, try to refine these components by clearly restating your topic and summarizing your main points in the conclusion. For improved clarity, directly address the question of advantages and disadvantages in your introduction to set a clear direction for your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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