Some parents give their children everything that their children ask for and accept what their children want to do. Is this good for children? What could be the consequences for these children when they grow up?

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Due to

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the reduction of birth, some parents spoil their

children

Use synonyms

by achieving whatever they request and accepting all the things they long for. The impacts on

children

Use synonyms

's development and the possible results after they grow up need an in-depth discussion and a conclusion will be drawn.

Initially

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,adults need to educate the youth to respect different opinions since they will not always be accepted by the world.

However

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, it cannot be implemented when parents always say "yes" to their

children

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Besides

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, it could be a good chance to construct a strong mindset by teaching kids how to deal with

such

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situations when being rejected and telling them their own values will not be decreased by others.

For example

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, a failed interview can have a serious impact on a person who never experienced rejection.

Therefore

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, I do not think that guardians unconditionally satisfying what their kids want will affect them positively. To probe more deeply, guardians blindly

fulfil

Wrong verb form

fulfilling

show examples

children

Use synonyms

's requests may possibly make them become self-centred because they are seldom asked to put themselves in other places.

As a consequence

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, they may have terrible relationships no matter in school or at work which will cause an unhealthy mentality. To make matters worse, the phenomenon could turn into social issues on account of their discontent.

For example

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, there was a criminal case in Taiwan in which a spoiled teenager murdered his parents when they did not give him money.

Thus

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, the importance of education is not only in the aspect of personal development but

also

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in social safety.

To sum up

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according to

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the aforementioned , it cannot be denied that guardians' attitudes toward youngsters will

last

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a lifelong influence.

Hence

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, adults should pay attention to providing correct guidance,

otherwise

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, it may trigger some counterproductive outcomes.

s99104032Sat Sep 30 2023

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coherence cohesion

Consider providing a more detailed introduction and conclusion to give a complete overview of the topic.

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

293 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

indulgence
overindulgence
leniency
emotional resilience
rejection
entitlement
realistic expectations
self-regulated behavior
egocentric
financial management
professional relationships
collaboratively
criticism
appreciation
value
effort

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Here is the corrected version of your text:

Some parents give their children everything that their children ask for and accept what their children want to do. Is this good for children? What could be the consequences for these children when they grow up?

Your opinion

lt is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that education is important to get jobs while others believe it its experience and skills. Discuss both views and give your opinion

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend