IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Today credit cards are easy to get in many countries, but some people who use them struggle to pay their debt. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#credit #cards #countries #people #struggle #debt
These days
credit
 cards are popular around the world.
Although
 they could provide financial flexibility for
people
 , sometimes they lead to significant debts that
people
 cannot pay back
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. From my point of view, if individuals use them wisely, the merits outweigh the demerits. First of all, generally, banks provide crowds with
credit
 cards.
Therefore
, they could spend on emergency cases even if there are no funds in the bank. To illustrate more , suppose that a person in a foreign country lost his money,
then
 he can easily use his
credit
 card to pay the cost of accommodation and other necessities and
then
 make it up when he comes back to his country.
Therefore
, having a
credit
 card can support
people
 in the rainy days.
On the other hand
, Since some individuals do not have financial literacy and are not futuristic enough, they spend their credits on
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
luxury items and unnecessary supplies,
then
at the end
 of the month they cannot pay them back,
consequently
, their
credit
 scores will be declined and they will go bankrupt.
As a result
, they are not able to repay the original amount of the loan ,let alone the interest rate of their debts. It is very important to educate
people
 to control their expenditures based on their incomes. In a nutshell,
credit
 cards are essential in
this
 modern world. They could provide
people
 with calmness and tranquillity. Individuals should learn how to use it effectively, in order to increase their wealth rather than go bankrupt.
Submitted by zohmoz93 on

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task response
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, real-life anecdotes or statistics could enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. While the essay is coherent, using more linking phrases can improve the overall flow.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and word choice. Slight inaccuracies, such as incorrect verb forms or awkward phrasing, can distract the reader. Small errors like 'crowds' should be 'people' and 'calmness and tranquillity' can be simplified to just one term like 'peace'.
task response
The introduction clearly outlines your perspective and provides a clear thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You have organized your essay with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single main point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • credit history
  • financial flexibility
  • emergencies
  • cashback
  • travel points
  • discounts
  • budget management
  • interest rates
  • fees
  • debt
  • credit scores
  • loans
  • mortgages
  • impulsive spending
  • financial difficulties
  • penalties
  • financial strain
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