Some people think that children should learn to design and make things in school. Others believe that there are better things to learn. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

People have contradictory views concerning whether schools should teach children design or other better things in class. I believe that the latter point of view is more convincing and applicable in most contexts. One significant reason is that people’s mindset has changed from the past. As numerous scholarships and job opportunities have penetrated our studies, various temptations are surrounding people. Everyone becomes restless, indulges in the excitement of possibilities, and loses the calm and serene state of mind they used to have. The advantages of learning design and creating samples at school are manifold. The first benefit is that it exposes children to different perspectives and experiences, which stimulates children to think creatively and divergently. Schools may
also
be motivated to challenge the existing norms and assumptions and even generate breakthrough innovations to create more opportunities and benefits for children’s future employment.
On the other hand
, it is undeniable that studying
about
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vital things like academic study is a commendable behaviour that can generate positive outcomes for both individuals and society.
This
behaviour manifests social responsibility, and it can contribute to the resolution of social problems and the amelioration of uncultured groups of communities, thereby augmenting social welfare and equity.
Additionally
, academic studying in school can have a positive impact on various aspects of society. After essential subjects’ study, it can create more chances to complete higher educational opportunities. Under
such
a virtuous cycle, children’s
further
talents and interests will be met, their success will be increased, and the incidence of social problems will be reduced. In my opinion, I am inclined towards the latter because academic studies have a wide range of vital values for children’s future. Based on
this
argument, I encourage schools to teach academic subjects as the majority of study and design courses as optional.
Submitted by taotao_0203 on

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Task Achievement
Make sure your essay point directly relates to the question. The second paragraph discussing 'people’s mindset' doesn't directly relate to whether children should learn design or other subjects in school.
Task Achievement
Provide concrete examples to support your arguments. For instance, you could cite specific examples of the potential benefits and possible drawbacks of teaching children design in school, and similarly with other academic subjects.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your logical progression of points can be improved. Make sure there's a clear connection and flow between your points. The jump from talking about people's changing mindsets to the benefits of design and then to the importance of academic study feels disjointed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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