IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is considered that
people
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 are utilising their available
time
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 by watching television predominantly which in turn makes them feel less energetic,
also
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, reducing their involvement within the community.
However
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, I believe that many entertainment programs are beneficial,and I strongly agree that it has caused detrimental impacts on the behaviour of an individual.
This
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 essay will discuss my views with supporting evidence. On the one hand , TV is considered as one of the best methods of passing the leisure
time
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 for
people
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.
In other words
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, it is affordable that everyone can have it in their home to watch different programs without wasting their money on any leisure activities
such
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 as shopping.
In addition
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, there are many educational programs which will enhance our knowledge,
also
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 assists us in learning new languages and culture through various channels of different countries.
For instance
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, the News channel aids
people
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 to keep themselves up to date with the happenings all around the world.
On the other hand
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, many of them are taking advantage of
this
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 invention by wasting their
time
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 watching media without being actively involved in any physical or mental activities .
For example
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, most of the kids after school have the habit of watching television without showing interest in physical activities or education.
In addition
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,
people
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 believe that
this
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 is the best way to spend their
time
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 because of their sedentary lifestyle, their involvement in the community is often less than in the olden days.
As a result
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, they don't have ample
time
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 to socialise with neighbours or even to spend
time
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 with their close ones.
To conclude
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,
although
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 I believe that TV has brought many beneficial values to our lives, the negative impacts outweigh the benefits.
People
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 should understand the importance of
time
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 and should learn to manage effectively which would benefit them
as well as
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 society.

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Style
Work on creating clear and concise sentences.Overly complex sentences can sometimes confuse the reader and make your main points less clear.
Content
Strengthen your points with more specific examples. Instead of using general terms, try to use examples that clearly illustrate your points.
General
In general, your writing is quite good. Keep practising to further enhance your skills.
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