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Writing Samples
Band 7

The diagram below shows information about student attendance in various schools. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows information about student attendance in various schools. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart illustrates the number of
students
Use synonyms
 attending
in
Change preposition
apply
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Royal
Latin
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,
Didcot
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 Secondary, Seven Oaks, and Page Hill in the period of 2001 to 2007. Seven Oaks and Page Hill had the highest and lowest student
attendance
Use synonyms
, respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Didcot
Use synonyms
 Secondary and Royal
Latin
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 had steady positions, either second or third position.
First,
Linking Words
Seven Oaks scored the highest student
attendance
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 in 2006, with almost one thousand
students
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 in that year. It
also
Linking Words
 topped the number of student
attendance
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 in the entire year between 2001 to 2007.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Page Hill always got fewer
students
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 than others and in 2001 the school scored the lowest
attendance
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 with not exceeding 400
students
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.
Lastly
Linking Words
, from 2001 to 2005 Royal
Latin
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 always got more
students
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 than
Didcot
Use synonyms
 Secondary. Yet, in 2006
Didcot
Use synonyms
 Secondary surpassed the number of
students
Use synonyms
 attending Royal
Latin
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 with more than 600
students
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 for both schools.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the gap increased in the next year.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, latin, didcot, attendance with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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