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Band 4

Some people argue that fashion items cost too much money. Others say that this is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #fashion #items #cost #money #part #life
Nowadays clothing
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 very expensive. Some
people
 agree and some of them disagree. In my opinion,
Fashion
 items are priceless,
this
 is because it is not something easy to create it needs
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
creative thinking and
visual
Change the adjective
visually
show examples
 appealing design which is not easy to do. I am particularly
accept
Wrong verb form
accepting
show examples
 the cost of any apparel because it
worth
Add a missing verb
is worth
show examples
 the price. On the one hand, educated
people
 who have a
lot
 of knowledge know how the designer
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 a
lot
 of effort to create apparel.
For example
, how the designer
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 inspiration,
brainstorm
Correct subject-verb agreement
brainstorms
show examples
 and
sketch
Correct subject-verb agreement
sketches
show examples
 till they get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 creative unique concept.
Therefore
, educated
people
 believe that all of
this process
Fix the agreement mistake
these processes
show examples
 are
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
 and it is priceless to buy
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good apparel.
On the other hand
,
un-educated
Correct your spelling
uneducated
show examples
people
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
disrespect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fashion
 items and
dosen’t
Correct your spelling
doesn’t
 give
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 any worth.
Moreover
, they don’t know the process of the item and how the designer
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 a
lot
 of time to create it.
For example
, there are a
lot
 of jackets and bags
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
made from crocodile and snake skin which is hard to find and very expensive to get.
Therefore
, not everything
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 easy or cheap to create, which those
people
 don’t know. In conclusion,
although
 the
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 are high for some clothes and
fashion
accessory
Fix the agreement mistake
accessories
show examples
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it is worth the price.
People
 should respect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fashion
 items
instead
 of complaining because it is
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our life.
Submitted by mneeraaljalahma on

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Task Achievement
Provide more clear and comprehensive ideas about both views.
Task Achievement
Support your arguments with more relevant specific examples.
Lexical Resource
Use more varied and precise vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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