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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many places today, rapid lifestyle changes are affecting family relationships. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

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Bonding family relationships has always played a significant role in human lives.
However
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,
people
Use synonyms
's lives have
met
Verb problem
experienced
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an
Correct article usage
apply
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excessive change
due to
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 the rapid development in multiple areas. In my opinion, to some extent, the advantages ideed surpass the disadvantages in
this
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 trend. The notion is that gathering time with families might be deprived by advanced electronic devices,
such
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 as smartphones, video games and social media.
While
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 it's true that a high proportion of teenagers immers themselves in the unreal world during the family reunion, there are benefits if they enjoy the devices through different methods.
For instance
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, family members can participate in a group game with young children, which allows a deeper comprehension of what the young generation is obsessed with and afterwards creates more harmonious relationships.
Moreover
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, rapid transportation offers effective commuting choices for
people
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 who live far apart from their families. Though some of the families may not meet quite often
due to
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 the long distance, physical approaches like high-speed rails can truly improve the disadvantage.
Besides
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, since remote working has become a popular working style in modern society, it provides enormous flexibility
with
Change preposition
to
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people
Use synonyms
. Individuals are able to replace their commuting time with family gatherings,
while
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 the deep bond with the
people
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 they love is the most valuable meaning that most
people
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 aspire
.
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to.
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 In conclusion, despite the debates between the advantages and disadvantages caused by the rapid lifestyle, I believe the advantages outweigh the other. As long as
people
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 apply approaches based on consideration and love,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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family relationships can improve
further
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.

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Enhancement
Ensure the examples you use are specific and directly support your main points. While you've done well, adding more details will strengthen your argument.
Consistency
Maintain this high level of structure in your essays, with clear introductions, body paragraphs, and conclusions.
Relevance
Keep focusing on the relevance of your examples to the topic. Relevant examples make your argument more convincing.
Structure
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in understanding and engagement.
Task Response
You have effectively addressed the essay question, presenting a balanced view with support for your opinion.
Examples
Your use of examples, like family playing group games and the mention of high-speed rails, brings life to your arguments, despite the need for more specificity.
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