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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram illustrates the number of shops in the situation of close and open in one country from 2011 to 2018.

The diagram illustrates the number of shops in the situation of close and open in one country from 2011 to 2018.
The line graph provides information on
stores
Use synonyms
 slated to open and
stores
Use synonyms
 going to be closed over the
8 years of
Correct your spelling
8-year
period
Use synonyms
. Over time, it can be observed that not
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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many new
shops
Use synonyms
 have been built as closed
shops
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, the trend of both
situation
Change to a plural noun
situations
show examples
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fluctuated and decreased
than
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the time
period
Use synonyms
. In 2011, a shutdown condition
has been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 encountered
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 approximately 8500
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shops
Use synonyms
 and that was the peak point of it. After a fluctuation trend, the number of
stores
Use synonyms
 that were about to close
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 remained stable
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 4000 and it has dropped from 1000
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the
shops
Use synonyms
 to be opened, have started from around 6500
shops
Use synonyms
 and it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 reached to
it's
Replace the word
its
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 peak of 7000
stores
Use synonyms
. After that, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 in
opening
Add an article
the opening
an opening
show examples
 situation
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reduced to the lowest point of amount 500 and
then
Linking Words
 it raised to 5000 and remained without changes
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
 rest of the
period
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words stores, period, shops with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • diagram
  • illustrates
  • number of shops
  • situation
  • close
  • open
  • country
  • 2011
  • 2018
  • overview
  • year-wise
  • comparison
  • trend analysis
  • increase
  • decrease
  • reasons
  • future prediction
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