The diagram illustrates the number of shops in the situation of close and open in one country from 2011 to 2018.

The diagram illustrates the number of shops in the situation of close and open in one country from 2011 to 2018.
The line graph provides information on
stores
slated to open and
stores
going to be closed over the
8 years of
Correct your spelling
8-year
period
. Over time, it can be observed that not
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
many new
shops
have been built as closed
shops
.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, the trend of both
situation
Change to a plural noun
situations
show examples
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fluctuated and decreased
than
Change preposition
at
show examples
the beginning of the time
period
. In 2011, a shutdown condition
has been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
encountered
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
approximately 8500
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shops
and that was the peak point of it. After a fluctuation trend, the number of
stores
that were about to close
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
remained stable
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
4000 and it has dropped from 1000
at the end
of the
period
.
According to
the
shops
to be opened, have started from around 6500
shops
and it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
reached to
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
peak of 7000
stores
. After that, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
of
shops
in
opening
Add an article
the opening
an opening
show examples
situation
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reduced to the lowest point of amount 500 and
then
it raised to 5000 and remained without changes
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
rest of the
period
.
Submitted by teenadissanayake906 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words stores, period, shops with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • diagram
  • illustrates
  • number of shops
  • situation
  • close
  • open
  • country
  • 2011
  • 2018
  • overview
  • year-wise
  • comparison
  • trend analysis
  • increase
  • decrease
  • reasons
  • future prediction
What to do next:
Look at other essays: