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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below compare the number of people per household* in the UK in 1981 and 2001. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below compare the number of people per household* in the UK in 1981 and 2001. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
bar chart provides information on each UK
Families
Change noun form
family's
show examples
 demographic numbers from 1981 and 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
, a family with two
members
Use synonyms
 was calculated
the
Change preposition
as the
show examples
 highest of both
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the big family was the least.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, in 1981 about 31 British
household
Change to a plural noun
households
show examples
counted
Verb problem
apply
show examples
had 2 family
members
Use synonyms
 in each family,
while
Linking Words
 those who were in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 single family and 3 - 4
members
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
shared almost similar number (17-20).
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
nuclear
Add an article
the nuclear
show examples
 family was found not popular around the country, which is just merely under 10.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2001 the number of the
single family
Add a hyphen
single-family
show examples
 rose slightly to 26.
Likewise
Linking Words
, for those with 2 family
members
Use synonyms
 which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
in 1988 counted by 31
then
Linking Words
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 to 34.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the figure for extended family
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 significantly by about 5- 17 and the number
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 5 to 6 persons family
members
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 plummeted to under 5 households.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words members with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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