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Writing Samples
Band 6

Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Delaying
marriage
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 to one’s
thirties
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 has become commonplace these days.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
trend
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 can be seen in a positive light in some regards, I consider it
is
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apply
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largely a change for the worse. Admittedly, delayed
marriage
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 can have some positive implications for both individuals and society. On an individual level, postponing
marriage
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 affords
people
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 time to build financial security. When financially secure,
people
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 have the means to cater to the needs of their
family
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families
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 and future
children
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. Apart from paying for daily expenses, they are more able to afford better healthcare and education for their
children
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. In
this
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 sense,
people
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 are less likely to suffer financially if they start a family in their
thirties
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. From a social standpoint, delayed marriages could diminish
divorce
Correct article usage
the divorce
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 rate.
This
Linking Words
 is because most
people
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 become emotionally mature and tolerant as they grow older, so they are less prone to marital conflicts and divorce. I,
however
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, believe starting a family in one’s
thirties
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 is generally a negative
trend
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. The main consequence of
this
Linking Words
trend
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 would be
unfavorable
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unfavourable
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 demographic changes
such
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 as falling birth rates.
This
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 is simply because couples tend to have a lower chance of having
children
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 in their older ages, which could result in a major decline in a country’s population. Germany and Japan are some countries where declining birth rates and population
crisis
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crises
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 can be partly linked to delayed
marriage
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. If
this
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trend
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 persists, it can eventually lead to
Correct article usage
a labor
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labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 crisis, which could hinder economic growth. Another downside is
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of care in old age. When
people
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 start a family and have
children
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 in their
thirties
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, they will not have adult
children
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 to care for them in their old
ages
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age
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will have to continue working past the retirement age. In conclusion, even though getting married and having
children
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 in one’s
thirties
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 can somewhat be
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
, I am convinced that it is generally a negative
trend
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 as it can mean falling birth rates and challenges in retirement for old
people
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.

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coherence cohesion
Provide a more balanced analysis of the topic by acknowledging potential counterarguments and addressing them.
coherence cohesion
Consider including a thesis statement in the introduction to clearly state your position on the topic.
task achievement
Provide stronger and more specific examples to support your points.
grammatical range accuracy
Ensure the use of appropriate verb tenses throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Use more varied vocabulary to enhance your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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