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Band 5

Eventually, technology will solve the most important environmental problems the world faces today. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#technology #world
It is a known fact that
technology
 is advancing at a really fast pace in recent times. It would be a no-shocker if
technology
 could solve major environmental issues. From all the
sceintific
Correct your spelling
scientific
 articles and data available, I partially agree with the given statement. In one instance,
technology
 could help to reduce air,
water
 and soil
pollution
. Using
technology
,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 greenhouse gases
such
 as carbon dioxide and
corbon
Correct your spelling
carbon
 monoxide would be released into the atmosphere from automobiles, which is a major contributor to air
pollution
.
Moreover
, researchers are creating filters that could purify the toxic waste present in
water
. More recently, scientists have engineered
microorganism
Fix the agreement mistake
microorganisms
show examples
such
 as E.coli
for reducing
Change preposition
to reduce
show examples
water
pollution
.
For example
, using 500 grams of E.coli could
clear-up
Correct your spelling
clear up
show examples
 10 acres of oil that had been spilt on the surface of
water
 bodies.
Hence
, on the one hand,
technology
 would keep advancing and would keep solving more and more environmental problems.
On the other hand
, humans need to
also
 contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 making the Earth a cleaner place for future generations. Relying completely on
technology
 alone is a bad idea because it takes up a lot of resources, which when improperly
disposed
Add the preposition
disposed of
show examples
 could create even more environmental problems.
Hence
, planting more trees or the use of public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
 could solve the air
pollution
 crisis. Trees act as carbon sink,
thus
 absorbing the excess gases produced by automobiles and industries.
For instance
, Tamil Nadu reduced
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 carbon dioxide levels by 10% in 2 years, after the government initiated schemes
on planting
Change preposition
to plant
show examples
 more trees. In conclusion,
although
technology
 could help
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 an extent, we must
also
 take steps
such
 as using public transport in order to combat environmental problems
such
 as global warming.
Submitted by vani13padmakumar on

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task response
The essay provides a clear response to the prompt, but could benefit from providing a more balanced argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a cohesive structure, with clear introduction and conclusion. However, the logical flow of ideas could be improved.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of scientific terms. However, the essay could benefit from more varied vocabulary and phrasing.
grammatical range
The essay shows generally good control of grammar, with only a few minor errors. However, there are some instances where sentence structures could be more complex.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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