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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the number of b in three cities between 1965 and 2010. Summarize the information and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of b in three cities between 1965 and 2010. Summarize the information and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph depicts the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of international meetings which were organized in three different places from 1965 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the trends were fluctuations in
city
Use synonyms
 A and
B
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, there was a significant upward trend in
city
Use synonyms
 A Both
City
Use synonyms
 A and
B
Use synonyms
 fluctuated
in
Change preposition
over
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 the whole of 40
years
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
,
city
Use synonyms
 A started with the highest of 35 seminars in 1965
then
Linking Words
 plummeted to 20 in 1975. The number of international conferences went up to 30 and fluctuated considerably during the next 20
years
Use synonyms
, and eventually stayed at 20 conferences in 2010.
City
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 marked a more stable trend than
Use synonyms
city
Capitalize word
City
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B
Use synonyms
, the highest point was 32 events in 1965
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and decreased gradually to 27 in 1975. In a period of 30
years
Use synonyms
 later, the number of international events in
this
Linking Words
city
Use synonyms
 had a slight fluctuation from 29 to 28 seminars and
finally
Linking Words
 went down to 25 in 2010.
City
Use synonyms
 A had a constant increase during the first 30
years
Use synonyms
 which was 0 in 1965 to 28 in 1995. It plunged to 29 in 2005 and hit the highest point of 29 in 2010.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words city, b, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 3 times.
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