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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Crime appears to be rising in the most counties in the world, especially among young people. Identify the possible causes of this trend and propose some solutions you think would be effective.

#crime #counties #world #people #trend
Parents
 who send their
children
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 non-
government
 schools should not pay income tax and the
government
 should help their
children
 in
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system. I totally agree with
this
 statement and my
further
 justification will come in
further
 paragraphs
along with
 some relative examples. To commence with, families who pay a high amount of
money
 in public
school
 should not pay any
taxes
 there are several reasons behind
this
.
Firstly
, they already contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their country's economy because they pay
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 amount of
money
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 only education system which is beneficial for all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sectors.
For instance
, those
children
 who study in
private
Add an article
a private
show examples
school
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
pay
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
money
 in
school
 which directly goes to the administration and help
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 growth.
Secondly
, the teachers who earn
money
 for public schools
also
 pay
taxes
 to direct the
government
 which means the administration
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 twice
taxes
 from various sources which is not good for families.
Lastly
, all staff members of
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 earn
money
 from their
parents
 which
also
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
pay
taxes
 in
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
form
Correct subject-verb agreement
forms
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means
parents
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 required to pay any
taxes
 to the
government
.
On the other hand
, as per the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
policy
Add a comma
,policy
show examples
 all citizens need to pay
taxes
 to the administration because it is their choice whether their
children
 study in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
govenrment
Correct your spelling
government
school
 or
private
Correct article usage
a private
show examples
school
.
Additionally
, the
government
 already
open
Wrong verb form
opened
show examples
 many schools in city areas and provides free
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education to all so no need to go
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 public
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
. To give an overview, public
school
children
's
parents
Add a missing verb
do no
show examples
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 need to pay
taxes
 to the
government
 because they already pay in advance.
However
, as per
government
rule
Add a comma
,rule
show examples
 all citizens need to pay
taxes
.
Submitted by er.lerulal on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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