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Band 5.5

Nowadays, many families move overseas for job opportunities. Some people think that this is beneficial for the children of these families while others think children will find it difficult. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#families #move #job #opportunities #people #children
In the salad days of
Correct article usage
the millenium
show examples
millenium
Correct your spelling
millennium
Millenium
,
this
 society is polarised into two groups almost equally
reagrding
Correct your spelling
regarding
 the notion either the migration of
families
 is
advantageus
Correct your spelling
advantageous
 for the
children
 or it makes their life hard. People have different mindsets. The subsequent paragraphs will shed light on both
approches
Correct your spelling
approaches
 before making the final note. On the one hand, there are a multitude of reasons why individuals think that the migration of
families
 is helpful for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
. The most significant reason is that they get
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
eduacation
Correct your spelling
education
 which may not be
availabe
Correct your spelling
available
 in their home country.
For example
, Canada has
world ranked
Add a hyphen
world-ranked
show examples
 colleges and universities when
comapred
Correct your spelling
compared
 to Pakistan.
Thus
, it is useful for the
families
 to move to developed
countries
 for the
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 future of their
kids
.
Moreover
, numerous
countries
 have strict rules and regulations
due to
 which the crime rate of these
countries
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 negligible.
As a result
, it makes
safer
Correct article usage
a safer
show examples
 place for the
children
 to live.
On the other hand
, I favour those who opine that it makes it tough for these
children
 to settle in different
countries
. The first and foremost reason is that
children
 suffer from feelings of loneliness which is hard for them to overcome.
As when
Correct word choice
When
show examples
 parents travel to different
countries
, they hope for
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 lifestyle for which both the parents have to work.
Hence
,
children
 stay alone which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them feel lonely and potentially
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to depression. Another worth considering reason is that
children
 get bullied in
the
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apply
show examples
schools for their
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
accent
Fix the agreement mistake
accents
show examples
.
For example
, Indians have different
accent
Fix the agreement mistake
accents
show examples
 in
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 and when
kids
 from India
goes
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go
show examples
 to school in Canada they get bullied by the
kids
 for their
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 speaking skills.
To conclude
,
although
 the points in the favour of former view are substantial, I still opine that the movement of
families
 from one country to
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
 creates a tougher environment for these
kids
 to adapt to.
Submitted by jaspreet on

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Grammar & Spelling
Remember to check for typographical and grammatical errors that can slightly impact the overall clarity of your essay. Although small inaccuracies won't significantly affect your score, a more polished submission can contribute to a clearer and more professional presentation.
Lexical Resource
You might consider diversifying your sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the sophistication of your writing. Varied sentence types and a richer lexical resource can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Development of Ideas
For an even stronger essay, consider expanding upon the examples and arguments you provide. More detailed elaboration and explanation of your points can make your arguments more convincing and your essay more compelling.
Balance & Coverage
Your essay provides a balanced view on the topic, discussing both sides of the argument effectively before stating your own opinion. This is a good strategy for fully addressing the essay prompt.
Structure & Clarity
Your essay's structure is clear, with identifiable introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow your line of reasoning.
Supporting Examples
The use of examples, such as the comparison between educational opportunities in Canada and Pakistan, is an effective way to support your arguments. It adds credibility and specificity to your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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