IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Virtual reality be used as a tool for therapeutic interventions and mental health treatments. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#reality #tool #interventions #health #treatments
Medical research and the massive world of the Internet are burgeoning fields. Whether the virtual world is useful in the case of therapeutic
interventions
 or not is a controversial theory. I firmly agree with
this
 phenomenon since not only would it inform those
people
 who live in remote areas about
health
 risks, but
also
 it serves as an incentive. Virtual reality is informative irrefutably.
That is
 to say, what the medical sector’s workers do by the development of technology is releasing educational videos about
health
 problems. Only after
people
 surf the internet would they watch or read news about therapeutic
interventions
, and they become more
health
 conscious.
For instance
, many therapeutic
interventions
 were published on the Instagram platform during COVID-19, like wearing face masks. These approaches guarantee an individual’s
health
.
Consequently
, the more widespread virtual reality, the more
health
 issues are alleviated and prevented.
Moreover
, allegorical platforms incentivize societies to take steps towards a healthy lifestyle unquestionably.
In other words
, it is a virtual world that publishes top self-esteem and happiness among some
people
 in varied countries. Watching and reading
such
 news, which is enriched with positive vibes, gives individuals a sense of pleasure and encourages them to make efforts in order to be as happy as them.
For example
, Ted Talk videos on YouTube encourage the young generation to not give up as long as they encounter challenges and in some cases teach them how to deal with mental issues,
such
 as stress.
Thus
, therapeutic intervention in mental treatments and advanced technology are two interrelated and integrated options.
However
, under no circumstances could the prospect of interventionism be overlooked.
This
 means, that too much exposure to online platforms may lead
people
 on the path of introverts, and they may not have a desire to interact with others,
although
this
 issue can be tackled by having meetings with psychologists.
To sum up
, Virtual reality is capable of being used as a tool for therapeutic
interventions
 and mental
health
 treatments. I strongly agree with
this
 notion as it guarantees our
health
 and motivates us to be as happy as others.
Submitted by mirhashemim7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay clearly expresses your agreement with the use of virtual reality for therapeutic interventions and mental health treatments. You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which is commendable. However, the essay could benefit from a more comprehensive exploration of the potential drawbacks of virtual reality use in therapeutic interventions and mental health treatments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical sequence of ideas and coherent paragraphs. It effectively introduces the topic and concludes the essay by summarizing the main points. Make sure to use more paragraph transition words and phrases to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: