IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disgree with this statement?

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Saving
money
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 is crucial for financial stability and I strongly agree that both young
people
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 and adults should maintain
this
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 habit. Various citizens in our nation argue that young individuals should focus on enjoying their youth rather than worrying about finances despite the fact that several
people
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 believe that saving at an early age provides long-term benefits and security. I will explain why those essential budgets will be important in the unexpected
future
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.
To begin
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 with, financial savings help young
people
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 prepare for unexpected situations because emergencies
such
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 as medical expenses or job loss can arise at any time and having saved
moneys
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money
amounts of money
sums of money
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 ensures
which
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that
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 they can handle these challenges without relying on others.
For instance
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, students who save
money
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 during their school years can afford higher education or support themselves without excessive debt.
Therefore
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, saving from a young age provides financial independence.
Moreover
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, saving
money
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 allows young individuals to plan for
future
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 investments and goals. Those who develop the habit of saving can accumulate wealth and invest in opportunities
such
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 as starting a business or purchasing a home.
For example
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, many successful entrepreneurs began by saving small amounts and later used their savings to fund their ventures.
Thus
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, early financial discipline contributes to long-term prosperity. In conclusion,
while
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 enjoying life is important, saving
money
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 from a young age is essential for financial security and
future
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 success. It not only provides stability in times of crisis but
also
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 enables individuals to achieve their long-term aspirations.
Therefore
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, everyone, especially young
people
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, should prioritize saving for a better
future
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use clearer connections between your ideas to enhance the flow of the essay. For example, you could use transition words like 'firstly', 'furthermore', and 'in addition' to guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task response
While your examples are relevant, providing a bit more detail and context for each example would strengthen your points. For instance, elaborating on how saving contributed to a specific entrepreneur's success would make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, reinforcing your argument for the importance of saving money.
coherence and cohesion
You present a logical progression of ideas throughout your essay, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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