IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own (nowledge or experience.

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It is generally believed by certain
people
Use synonyms
 that the rising number of
sports
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 facilities may help to improve
health
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 for
people
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some do not believe and they are required to other alternative ways to improve
health
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.
However
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, arising seem to loom over these prospects, which will be discussed below, and I will offer my views. As a matter of fact, certain
people
Use synonyms
 believe
sports
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 help to increase body
health
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 more than other measures. These
people
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 claim that, if a society focuses on a game, they can improve their fitness physically and mentally.
For instance
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, if a group of
people
Use synonyms
 can play together, they have the best way to communicate with each other and reduce their stress by playing together.
Therefore
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,
sports
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 can reduce cholesterol levels
as well as
Linking Words
 improve blood flow perfectly.
Thus
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, the public can reduce their illness and raise healthy bodies.
As a result
Linking Words
, playing more games should be a good way to improve human life.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 believe, alternative ways are better for improving public
health
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such
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 as
gym
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, meditation and jogging. Typically, these aspects arise from arising
public
Correct article usage
a public
show examples
 healthy lifestyle.
For instance
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, the
gym
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 can help to reduce unnecessary calories.
Moreover
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, meditation maintains human mental
health
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as well as
Linking Words
 reduces stress.
Overall
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, these measures help to maintain a healthy human body.
To conclude
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, both
sports
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 and other measures are necessary for a healthy body for humans.
However
Linking Words
, from my perspective, playing
sports
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 is a better way to improve fitness than jogging and
gym
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.
People
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 can maintain
health
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as well as
Linking Words
 enjoy playing with others rather than waste money on the
gym
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the main points lack development and coherence. Work on linking sentences and paragraphs to enhance cohesion.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task requirements, but the ideas are not fully developed. Provide more detailed and relevant examples to support your arguments.
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