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Band 7

People doing dangerous sporting activities like scuba-diving and bungee-jumping should be responsible for their own safety. Rescue workers should not risk their lives to save people doing those sports. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #activities #safety #rescue #workers #risk #lives #sports
People
 who carry out extreme sports,
such
 as scuba diving and bungee jumping, have responsibility for their own safety.
Thus
,
rescue
 teams do not risk their lives in order to keep those
people
.
However
, I opposite to the given argument for several reasons.
To begin
 with, I believe that
people
 have to take care of themself during all activities they do, including low-risk or even high-risk activities.
Although
 they have efforts to keep them safe, there are still uncontrollable conditions which can put
people
 in harmful conditions.
For example
, in bungee-jumping sports, there are probability of harmful accidents caused by the tools, like broken ropes or other things, even though the
people
 doing the sport are using a body harness for their own safety.
Therefore
,
rescue
 workers are needed to handle
this
 situation. Related to the
rescue
 workers, I believe that they are professional
people
 who have much training to mitigate some accidents from small to worse ones.
Therefore
, the safety risks to the worker's lives can be minimized.
Nevertheless
, the owner who provides these dangerous
activitiesactivities
Correct your spelling
activities activities
 has to maintain the physical and mental health of the workers in order to keep them
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fit conditions.
To sum up
, I think the responsibility of
people
 who do extreme sports becomes their own, but they still need support system teams to help them if they are in an unsafe condition that can harm them.
In addition
, the
rescue
 teams
also
 have to get a good work environment in order to decrease the risks during guarding those activities.
Submitted by dika2024 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, illustrating your position with relevant examples. However, adding more specific instances or statistics could strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you've demonstrated a logical flow of ideas. To enhance this further, consider varying your sentence structures and using more diverse linking words for smoother transitions between ideas.
Task Achievement
Ensure all relevant safety equipment and procedures for extreme sports are accurately mentioned to bolster your argument on the necessity of rescue operations.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, clearly stating your position and summarizing your main points.
Task Achievement
You've managed to keep a good balance between discussing personal responsibility and the role of rescue teams, which is commendable for maintaining task relevance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • intrinsic risks
  • rigorous training
  • ethical duty
  • thrill-seeking behaviors
  • high-risk activities
  • rescue operations
  • emotional toll
  • financial burden
  • safety standards
  • regulations
  • innovation
  • technology-enhanced safety
  • personal responsibility
  • adventure sports
  • extreme sports
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