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Band 4.5

Some parents forbid young children from owning smart phones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?

#parents #children #phones #cell #internet #access #tools #touch #point
Nowadays, a lot of
children
 use mobile
phones
 with internet facilities for their learning purposes.
However
, some
parents
allow
Wrong verb form
are allowed
show examples
 to use mobile
phones
 for their
children
 and some disagree with it.
This
 essay will discuss both sides of using mobile
phones
 and
also
 give my opinion on that statement and the following paragraphs will illustrate it. The majority of
parents
 give mobile
phones
 with internet access to their
children
 for learning purposes. Obviously, it will be
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 useful thing in future because a lot of classes are held online via Zoom meetings nowadays and all the information is sent to students through WhatsApp groups social media. Apart from that students can learn and gather more information about their lessons from internet resources.
As well as
children
 are able to search for new knowledge from blogs, ebooks and various study materials from their
smartphones
.
However
, some
parents
 think
smartphones
 are one of the risk things for
children
. Actually, there are some disadvantages to mobile
phones
 which are some
children
 addicted to video or online games through their
phones
.
Moreover
,
children
 spend their time on social media with chatting friends or unknown persons and they watch more movies or TV series using
smartphones
. It might be an obstacle to their learning. In conclusion,
this
 essay discussed the pros and cons of using
smartphones
 by the younger generation and gave examples. I think
parents
 should advise
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
children
 about using
smartphones
 in
proper
Add an article
a proper
the proper
show examples
 way and I strongly believe
smartphones
 are the best technological thing for
children
 to get help for their learning.
Submitted by savithra on

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task achievement
The essay does not clearly state the writer's opinion on which point of view is better. Make sure to clearly state your position.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Add a proper introduction and conclusion to your essay.
task achievement
The essay lacks specific examples or evidence to support the points made. Provide more relevant examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak and the ideas are not well-organized. Improve the organization and flow of your essay.
lexical resource
The essay lacks variety in vocabulary and could benefit from using a wider range of words and phrases.
grammatical range accuracy
The essay contains some errors in grammar and sentence structure. Review and revise your sentences for accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • forbid
  • smartphones
  • cell phones
  • Internet access
  • importance
  • keeping in touch
  • negative impacts
  • development
  • social skills
  • engaging
  • physical activities
  • glued to a screen
  • staying connected
  • communication
  • convenience
  • limited access
  • encouraging
  • face-to-face interactions
  • family
  • friends
What to do next:
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