In order to Spend a quality life, some say, people need to have more money and some say people need free time. What do you think is important. What are the other things which are required to have a quality life?
Some argue that
quality
Use synonyms
life
is pursued by having more Use synonyms
money
whilst some say it is acquired by having leisure time. Personally, I think to get essential Use synonyms
things
, people need Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
that is
why it is important. Linking Words
Moreover
, it is Linking Words
also
acquired by having support systems in our circle.
First and foremost, Linking Words
although
not everything is about Linking Words
money
, it is needed to obtain access to many Use synonyms
things
. It is because essential Use synonyms
things
Use synonyms
such
as healthcare and luxuries are costly and they need to afford them to gain a better Linking Words
life
. Use synonyms
Besides
, they should Linking Words
also
have access to education which getting more expensive and with more capital, they can pursue their degree. Linking Words
For example
, a prestigious private university Linking Words
such
as Carnegie Mellon University charges $2000 a year as a tuition fee, and that means to pursue a better education, people need more Linking Words
financial
.
Replace the word
finances
Nonetheless
, having leisure time is Linking Words
also
essential. It is because it can reduce stress and Linking Words
also
give us space to do something for ourselves Linking Words
such
as hobbies or learning new Linking Words
things
. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, they can use Linking Words
this
space to bond with their family. Linking Words
As a result
, it can contribute to a better Linking Words
quality
of Use synonyms
life
.
Use synonyms
Additionally
, they Linking Words
also
can pursue a better Linking Words
quality
of Use synonyms
life
if they are surrounded by their support system. Support systems Use synonyms
such
as family, best friends and lovers can make them safe and reduce stress because they can rely on them. Linking Words
Furthermore
, they Linking Words
also
feel company and not feel lonely and it Linking Words
also
increases their Linking Words
life
.
Use synonyms
To conclude
, free time can contribute to the increase in Linking Words
quality
of Use synonyms
life
because they can use it to be more relaxed and do their hobby. Use synonyms
However
, having more Linking Words
money
is Use synonyms
also
required to have access to better healthcare, education, and houses which are essential, Linking Words
thus
, I personally think that having more finances is paramount. Linking Words
Hence
, it is better to keep both balanced since Linking Words
quality
of Use synonyms
life
can be obtained in different ways.Use synonyms
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance the flow of your writing. Some sentences are a bit complex and can be simplified for clarity.
Task Achievement
There are a few grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings that, while minor, could be polished to ensure clearer communication of ideas.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively balances the discussion between money and free time, offering a comprehensive viewpoint.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid framework for the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Points about leisure time and support systems are well-explored with logical reasoning.