IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The diagram shows how chocolate is produced. The diagram shows how chocolate is produced.

The diagram shows how chocolate is produced. The diagram shows how chocolate is produced.
#chocolate
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The
pictoral
Correct your spelling
pictorial
 flow depicts
steps
Correct article usage
the steps
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 required to produce
a chocolate
Remove the article
chocolate
a bar of chocolate
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are six methods needed to harvest and deliver
cocoa
Use synonyms
beans
Use synonyms
 and
additional
Correct article usage
an additional
show examples
 four stages to process them into the final product in the factory. Focusing on the harvesting phase, most
cocoa
Use synonyms
 trees are cultivated in America, Africa, and Indonesia. Only the ripe red pods
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are eligible to be harvested because of the quality of
cocoa
Use synonyms
beans
Use synonyms
 they
innate
Add a missing verb
are innate
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.
Thereafer
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, picked
beans
Use synonyms
 are fermented and diversified in
sun
Correct article usage
the sun
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 to dry. Those dried
beans
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 are collected in large sacks to be delivered by train or lorry to the manufacturing site. After being taken to
factory
Add an article
the factory
a factory
show examples
,
beans
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 are roasted
in
Change preposition
at
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 a very high temperature at the roastery site.
Next,
Linking Words
the roasted
beans
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 are crushed to remove their outer shells.
Finally
Linking Words
, the extraction of the chocolate liquid is performed by pressing those
cocoa
Use synonyms
beans
Use synonyms
 inner part.
Submitted by gabrichristie on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cocoa, beans with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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