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Band 6.5

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016
#line #patients #four #clinics
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The line graph illustrates the percentage of
people
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 visiting four types of
clinics
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 in
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
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, including
birth
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control
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,
eye
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, diabetic, and dental over a 6-year
period
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 between 2010 and 2016. 
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the proportion of
people
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 going to
eye
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, diabetic, and dental
clinics
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 were the most common reasons throughout the
period
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 shown,
while
Linking Words
 the average number of weekly
patients
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 visiting
birth
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control
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Use synonyms
clinic
Fix the agreement mistake
clinics
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 had a considerable decline. In 2010, approximately 250
people
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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visited the hospital for
birth
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control
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clinic
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,
while
Linking Words
patients
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going
Wrong verb form
went
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for
Change preposition
to
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eye
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 and dental
clinics
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just about
Rephrase
apply
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125 and 100 respectively. Diabetic disease was the less
poplular
Correct your spelling
popular
 choice in one out of four
clinics
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, at around 70. In the year 2014, there was a dramatic decrease in the visiting
hospital
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hospitals
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 for
birth
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control
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, at about 180
people
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 the number of
patients
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in
Change preposition
with
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 dental disease witnessed a considerable increase.
However
Linking Words
, the percentage of
people
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 who went
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 diabetic
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clinic
Fix the agreement mistake
clinics
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 rose slightly
then
Linking Words
 it levelled off over a two-year
period
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 from 2012 to 2014, at about 90
patients
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. In terms of
eye
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Use synonyms
clinic
Fix the agreement mistake
clinics
show examples
, having rocketed
dramatic
Change the adjective
dramatically
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 from 150 to 350 in 2016,
also
Linking Words
 the most popular
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
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 of
people
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. In the same time
period
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, diabetic and
birth
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control
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clinics
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 had seen considerable increases, with 170 and 240
patients
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 respectively.
By contrast
Linking Words
, visiting the hospital for dental disease had
slight
Add an article
a slight
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 increase from 100 to 130
people
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.
Submitted by baohoanguyenngoc1010 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, clinics, birth, control, eye, period, patients, clinic with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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