As the result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having negative effect on their health.

#inventions #computer #television #people #activity #effect #health

These days more and more people using contemporary technologies. By reason of technological inventions

such

as the computer and television,

lack

Correct article usage

the lack

show examples

of physical activities and it have been impacting

Correct your spelling

show examples

individual's health. I

am partially agree

Change the verb form

partially agree

show examples

with

this

statement using electronic devices can be harmful,

however

Add a comma

however,

show examples

it has some advantages

also

Initially

utilize

Wrong verb form

the utilisation

show examples

cutting edge

Add a hyphen

cutting-edge

show examples

technologies

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

benefits. One major advantage of that it could give opportunities to the young generation.

For instance

, especially for techies people.

This

is because they

glued

Add a missing verb

are glued

show examples

to the screens. Their

work

Add a verb

work is

work was

show examples

full of these technological things. It may help them to develop different skills. Apart from that it can be beneficial for some citizens in order to have fun.

For example

, watching TV with friends or relatives is very enjoyable and unforgettable. What I mean to say is there might be a heated debate between friends or with cousins.

However

, there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

myriad

Add an article

a myriad

show examples

of drawbacks. First and foremost, nowadays teenagers are addicted to gadgets.

This

means it might lead to

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of sleep or other health problems. In spite of the fact that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

they

used

Add a missing verb

are used

show examples

to smartphones and

laptop

Fix the agreement mistake

laptops

show examples

. So that they have problems with their eyes or they may suffer from insomnia. As

the

Correct article usage

show examples

result

Add a comma

result,

show examples

they are not able to get into full gear.

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

it can have

influence

Add an article

an influence

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on their friendships or maybe

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

show examples

. Because they will ignore the people who live or stay around them. It will cause many issues.

To sum up

while

technology has had both desirable and negative effects, I believe that it has the potential to bring about overwhelmingly negative effects.

Submitted by omondavlat91 on Thu Oct 05 2023

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for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

265 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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As the result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having negative effect on their health.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?

ome people think that the study of history is of little use . Others believe that studying history helps us to know the present. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

Many students choose to study at colleges and universities that are far away from the places where they grew up. Do the benefits of this outweigh the drawbacks?

Some people argue that art, such as paintings and music are a waste of money and and the government should spend this money on pubic service To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Differences between countries are becoming less evident. Nowadays people are watching the same films, fashion, brands, advertisements and TV channels. To what extend do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?