IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

As a result of electronics inventions such as the computer and television , people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#electronics #inventions #computer #television #people #activity #effect #health
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Some people believe that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should focus on entertaining
students
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,
while
Linking Words
 others consider educating them will help them
for learning
Wrong verb form
learn
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 new things
by
Change preposition
through
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 new techniques. I partly agree with
this
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 declaration that
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students
Fix the agreement mistake
student
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 teaching is important,
however
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 of course we must not forget to entertain. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
schools
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 should encourage children's development skills by using
entertainment
Use synonyms
methods
Use synonyms
. First of all, I think that the old
education
Use synonyms
 system is still used in
schools
Use synonyms
 today.
Schools
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 have strict rules that
students
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 should only study. A proper
education
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 is essential for any student. It is important for their future plans and future life
path
Fix the agreement mistake
paths
show examples
 in general. But
along with
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education
Use synonyms
,
entertainment
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 very important. A variety of
entertainment
Use synonyms
 helps us to energize our studies. Because some
students
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 prefer to
entertaining
Wrong verb form
entertain
show examples
 rather than study
according to
Linking Words
 a strict schedule. It's even good for their studies.
Secondly
Linking Words
, by changing the current school teaching
methods
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, it is possible to create more opportunities for
students
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. Passing a lesson with the help of entertaining
methods
Use synonyms
 from studying based on a strict order increases the student's interest in the lesson and learning. I think it will be very useful and important for some
students
Use synonyms
 if the lessons are taught using different
entertainment
Use synonyms
methods
Use synonyms
. Because there are
students
Use synonyms
 who
are
Verb problem
find it
show examples
 easier to use new
methods
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 compared to traditional
education
Use synonyms
. It is very easy and convenient for them to understand and experiment with new
entertainment
Use synonyms
methods
Use synonyms
. I strongly agree that the
education
Use synonyms
 system in
schools
Use synonyms
 should be conducted using
entertainment
Use synonyms
methods
Use synonyms
. Because new
methods
Use synonyms
 create new skills in
students
Use synonyms
 and make learning easier. Encourages them to learn more and put what they've learned into practice. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is a very good situation.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clearer structure in your essay with proper paragraphing.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to improve your lexical resource score.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve grammatical range and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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