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Band 5

As a result of electronics inventions such as the computer and television , people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#electronics #inventions #computer #television #people #activity #effect #health
Some people believe that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should focus on entertaining
students
,
while
 others consider educating them will help them
for learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 new things
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 new techniques. I partly agree with
this
 declaration that
students
Fix the agreement mistake
student
show examples
 teaching is important,
however
 of course we must not forget to entertain. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
schools
 should encourage children's development skills by using
entertainment
methods
. First of all, I think that the old
education
 system is still used in
schools
 today.
Schools
 have strict rules that
students
 should only study. A proper
education
 is essential for any student. It is important for their future plans and future life
path
Fix the agreement mistake
paths
show examples
 in general. But
along with
education
,
entertainment
 is
also
 very important. A variety of
entertainment
 helps us to energize our studies. Because some
students
 prefer to
entertaining
Wrong verb form
entertain
show examples
 rather than study
according to
 a strict schedule. It's even good for their studies.
Secondly
, by changing the current school teaching
methods
, it is possible to create more opportunities for
students
. Passing a lesson with the help of entertaining
methods
 from studying based on a strict order increases the student's interest in the lesson and learning. I think it will be very useful and important for some
students
 if the lessons are taught using different
entertainment
methods
. Because there are
students
 who
are
Verb problem
find it
show examples
 easier to use new
methods
 compared to traditional
education
. It is very easy and convenient for them to understand and experiment with new
entertainment
methods
. I strongly agree that the
education
 system in
schools
 should be conducted using
entertainment
methods
. Because new
methods
 create new skills in
students
 and make learning easier. Encourages them to learn more and put what they've learned into practice. In my opinion,
this
 is a very good situation.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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