IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some parents forbid young children from owning smart phones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?

#parents #children #phones #cell #internet #access #tools #touch #point
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The 21st century is the era of modernisation. It cannot be denied that the usage of
smartphonesphones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
 is the prominent reason for better communication
while
Linking Words
 there are numerous nurturers who forbid
cell
Use synonyms
 phones from their kids. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, the views on both the aforementioned arguments
along with
Linking Words
 my opinion in favour of
smartphones
Use synonyms
 will be elaborated. On the one hand, technology plays a vital role in everyone's life. It is not a surprising fact that
smartphones
Use synonyms
 assist in easy access to the whole
world
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays there are various applications like Instagram, Facebook and WhatsApp that enables an individual to broaden their horizon by connecting with different folks.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
smartphones
Use synonyms
 not only develop better communication with nations but
also
Linking Words
 bring harmony and better skills to the
world
Use synonyms
. Youth can grab ample knowledge through the
internet
Use synonyms
 in their daily routine.
Therefore
Linking Words
, access to the
Internet
Use synonyms
 with
smartphones
Use synonyms
 enables youngsters to develop excellent interpersonal skills.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are various parents who do not allow their children to use
cell
Use synonyms
 phones. In today's
world
Use synonyms
, several crimes take place on the online platform
such
Linking Words
 as bullying.
For example
Linking Words
, with the vast usage of technology, people misuse software, websites and applications for fame and money. It is found that half a portion of the crime rates are
due to
Linking Words
 the misuse of the
Internet
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
cell
Use synonyms
 phones assist in exploring new cultures, they indulge youth towards web crimes.
Hence
Linking Words
, everything in excess is always dangerous to mankind. It is the duty of elders to teach youngsters about the pros of the
Internet
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 another group could have a valid view, the pros of
smartphones
Use synonyms
 outweigh the cons. We can safely conclude that it is essential to have a
cell
Use synonyms
 phone with
internet
Use synonyms
 access to explore the whole
world
Use synonyms
 which can assist in developing numerous skills.
Submitted by shivaniphg123 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples and evidence.
task achievement
Consider addressing counterarguments and providing a rebuttal.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • forbid
  • smartphones
  • cell phones
  • Internet access
  • importance
  • keeping in touch
  • negative impacts
  • development
  • social skills
  • engaging
  • physical activities
  • glued to a screen
  • staying connected
  • communication
  • convenience
  • limited access
  • encouraging
  • face-to-face interactions
  • family
  • friends
What to do next:
Look at other essays: