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Band 6.5

Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money that they make because of their positive effects on society. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion

#people #entertainers #impact #society #money #effects
Few people are of the opinion that artists are being offered a hefty amount of money,and they
also
 believe that
such
 performers spread negativity in the surroundings ,
while
 others
exactly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
hold the opposite view of them and think they are giving positive messages through their acts .
This
 essay highlights each point in the following passages . Entertainers like stand-up comedians not only make the public laugh with their jokes but
also
 take into consideration the social evils through their acts which
otherwise
 are not spoken publicly .
For Example
 , the famous comedian Trevor Noah, makes people laugh
due to
 his mimicry of various accents but
also
 keeps on raising the issue of colour discrimination against Africans in the the USA. He came into the limelight when he jokingly triggered the sensitive matter in the auditorium of New York in the year 2022. and was vividly supported by oppressed Africans all over the USA.
As a result
 ,the government started to take stringent actions against the convicts.
However
 ,certain celebrities often find themselves guilty of taking the liberty of their status and purposely hurting certain segments of society . Manowar Farooqi ,a famous comedian in India ,deliberately made remarks on the religious segments of one community .
As a consequence
 ,riots emerged in a few parts of the country .
Hence
 ,in order to maintain the decorum of the society future shows of the concerned person were cancelled and he was sent to jail for a period of six months too. In my opinion , artists need to flourish because in future they become the voice of the nation . And as far as money is concerned ,they must be paid for their hard work.
On the contrary
 ,organisers must have a serious look into the content they are going to represent in order to avoid problems. To summarize , artists are the heart and soul of a country and need to provide a conducive environment to grow ,be it in any facility or the amount they deserve for their hard work.
Submitted by lkapila25 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion could be more developed and clearer.
coherence cohesion
Provide more supporting details and examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that all the requirements of the task are fully addressed.
task achievement
Expand on your own opinion and provide reasoning to support it.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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