IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women.

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In many organizations, it is evident that most senior
positions
Use synonyms
 are held by men, despite the fact that
women
Use synonyms
 make up more than 50% of the workforce in numerous developed countries. Some argue that companies should be mandated to allocate a specific percentage of these roles to
women
Use synonyms
. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, but I believe a balance needs to be struck between
gender
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 equality and individual merit. On one hand, implementing
gender
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quotas
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 for high-level
positions
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 could be an effective way to promote equal opportunities. In many industries,
women
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 remain underrepresented in leadership roles, often
due to
Linking Words
 longstanding societal norms and biases. By requiring companies to allocate a certain percentage of these
positions
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 to
women
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, organizations may be forced to recognize and eliminate unconscious bias, creating a more inclusive environment.
For example
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, in countries like Norway, where
gender
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quotas
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 have been introduced, there has been a noticeable increase in the number of
women
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 in corporate boardrooms, which has had a positive impact on
gender
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 equality.
However
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,
on the other hand
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, it is essential to ensure that the primary criteria for filling high-level
positions
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 remain merit and qualifications. Introducing
quotas
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 based on
gender
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 alone could result in individuals being chosen for roles
due to
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 their
gender
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 rather than their capabilities.
This
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 may lead to a situation where companies are filling
positions
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 with less qualified candidates simply to meet a quota, which could potentially undermine the efficiency and performance of the organization.
For instance
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, if a company selects a woman for a CEO role purely to satisfy a quota, but that individual lacks the necessary experience, it may hinder the
overall
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 success of the company. In conclusion,
while
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gender
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quotas
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 could help
in accelerating
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accelerate
show examples
gender
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 equality in the workplace, they should not overshadow the importance of competence and experience when selecting candidates for high-level
positions
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. A more balanced approach that encourages diversity
while
Linking Words
 maintaining high standards for leadership would be the most effective solution.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear, single focus and that all sentences in the paragraph relate back to that main idea. This will improve the coherence of your arguments.
task achievement
When introducing examples, explicitly relate them back to your argument to enhance their relevance. A more detailed explanation of how they support your point would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and balances both sides of the argument well, demonstrating a good level of critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender diversity
  • Affirmative action
  • Meritocracy
  • Quotas
  • Glass ceiling
  • Legal enforcement
  • Tokenism
  • Voluntary measures
  • Career progression
  • Representation
  • Workforce parity
  • Backlash
  • Historical imbalances
  • Corporate governance
  • Inclusive practices
  • Boardroom dynamics
  • Gender norms
  • Unconscious bias
  • Regulatory frameworks
  • Corporate ladder
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