IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The debate of the professional sportsmen should earn significantly more than other crucial occupations is continuously addressed. Some would say
that is
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 fair have to a greater reward for a master in a sports domain,
while
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 others believe it is inequitable.
This
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 essay will discuss both arguments and will present in the end my personal view. On
one
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 hand, there are not so many individuals top-dog in a certain field. Being the best at something makes you
one
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 of a kind and those who train day and night and dedicate their entire life to be on top are entitled to be rewarded
accordingly
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.
Moreover
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, having
such
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 an enormous prize
,
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apply
show examples
 may encourage competitiveness and
professionals
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 to strike to the top of the ladder.
For instance
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, football players are well-known for their high benefits and teams are paying good money for Leo Messi because he is
one
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 of the best and his tactics can’t be replicated.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 other people who dedicate their lives to a career and earn less because it is not in the sports field. Even though those who are excellent in an area still get paid enormously, they don’t have the chance to earn a tremendous amount of money as sports
professionals
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 do. Lawyers, ingenieurs, doctors and other key
professionals
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 invest almost their entire lives into education, practice and excellence, and sometimes their work is not paid
accordingly
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.
For example
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, doctors have to finish a lot of years of study to be able to practice in the field. They
also
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 save lives, so their work is crucial to society.
To conclude
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, the top-dog sportsmen are
one
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 of a kind and a big reward makes them strive for the top. Some people would say that there is a bias in having them paid more than other
professionals
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, but I can’t agree with
this
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 point of view because
this
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 is what makes the competition fierce.

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coherence
Ensure that each paragraph expresses a clear main idea, and develop it fully with supporting details and examples. This will help in making each argument more compelling.
task response
Work on providing more sophisticated and varied sentence structures. This will improve the clarity and comprehensibility of your ideas.
task response
Refine your grammar and vocabulary to eliminate minor errors and enhance overall readability. This will contribute to a more professional and polished essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a balanced discussion.
task achievement
The points made are relevant and supported with examples, which adds depth to the argument.
coherence
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
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