Space travel has been possible for some time and some people believe that space tourism could be developed in the future . Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

For some time, travelling to space has been possible and it is believed by some individuals that
such
tours could be developed in the future. I feel it is a negative development as these travels involve an extensive investment of money which can certainly be used prudently in required areas,
moreover
, there is a lot of experimentation involved in
this
tourism and
hence
it is full of dangers.
Firstly
, I believe
further
development of space tourism will require intense funding which can be wisely utilized for eradicating issues like poverty and unemployment in the nation.
Also
, there is a severe lack of infrastructural, staff and technological facilities in the field of healthcare which needs more consideration in terms of funding. Looking at the poor population of the country which accounts for 35% of the total, it seems initiatives need to be taken to aid economic growth,
for example
, it will be a great idea to introduce schemes that can provide these people with free rations and prevent them suffering from malnutrition.
Besides
, the government should plan to introduce employment opportunities catering to the skills of the people in need. It should even take measures and spend to improve infrastructure, technology and working staff at the hospital to prevent highly vulnerable diseases and contribute to safeguarding the health of the nation's inhabitants.
Secondly
, I think spacial travelling involves several risks like the deficiency of oxygen level among the travellers, affecting their health drastically. It can sometimes be fatal as well. There are dangers of the collision of the aircraft with meteoroids and other moving bodies which might result in crashes and loss of lives. Sometimes, rockets involved in travel can not withstand the high pressure in the upper layers and can
consequently
lead to catastrophic outcomes like blasts.
For instance
, in 2005 one of the spaceships carrying 5 people who were on their journey to explore some hidden trends in the solar system met with a deadly accident
due to
the excessive pressure on the spaceship which it could not bear and blasted. As
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
a heavy risk and lack of safety are evident in these types of tours,
therefore
, developing them and putting many lives in danger doesn't look like a good idea to hold for the days to follow. To summarize, even though it is possible to take a tour of space for some time and several individuals believe that it could be developed in future, I do not view it positively as I think the money should be used wisely in critical fields that can contribute to nation's economic progress and
overall
health.
Submitted by parvane_ava on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is commendable, with a clear view presented, followed by relevant arguments. However, try to ensure smoother transitions between your ideas to improve the overall flow of the text.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and formulated well, providing a comprehensive overview and summary of the text. Continue this practice in your future writings.
task achievement
Your paragraphs provide solid support for your main points. However, it's crucial to always back up your points with clear examples or evidence. Some of your examples could be more specific and impactful.
task achievement
The ideas provided in the essay adequately address the topic and pertain to the question posed, yet some of them could be more focused and elaborate to bolster your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advancement in technology
  • Scientific knowledge
  • Economic benefits
  • Environmental impact
  • Inequality
  • Regulation
  • Sustainable practices
What to do next:
Look at other essays: