All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. What is the reason for this rise in obesity and how could it be tackled ?

#world #societies #obesity #reason #rise

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More and more individuals are suffering from

obesity

Use synonyms

. Even though

this

Linking Words

alarming issue is attributable to poor dietary choices and a sedentary lifestyle, it can be addressed by labelling

food

Use synonyms

products and constructing more fitness amenities. Undoubtedly, poor diets are considered to be the root cause of

obesity

Use synonyms

. Simply put, not many

people

Use synonyms

have a sufficient amount of time to prepare a healthy meal for themselves.

This

Linking Words

has led to a circumstance in which abundant

people

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select and purchase fast

food

Use synonyms

which is mainly unhealthy

due to

Linking Words

a high level of calories.

Thus

Linking Words

this

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perfunctory eating style will undeniably bring about

obesity

Use synonyms

in humans worldwide. A sedentary Lifestyle is

also

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a primary contributor to getting fat. To explain

further

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, once

people

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finish their meal, their bodies will gain calories which need to be burned off by doing

exercise

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Therefore

Linking Words

, those with seldom

exercise

Use synonyms

cannot consume all the energy in their bodies, thereby gaining weight over time.

However

Linking Words

, viable solutions for

obesity

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are

food

Use synonyms

labelling and the construction of more sports facilities. As for

food

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labelling, the label itself gives consumers information about the products, which is an ideal way to warn and discourage

people

Use synonyms

from buying unhealthy

food

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Hence

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, obese

people

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will drop significantly.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, by adding more fitness centres in the vicinity of local areas, governments indirectly inspire

people

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to work out. When numerous

people

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participate in

exercise

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, it creates a mob mentality attracting other

people

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to join in.

As a consequence

Linking Words

, the government should force supermarkets to label the

food

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and build more sports amenities when it comes to tackling

obesity

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, despite the fact that

obesity

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is triggered by poor dietary choices and a lack of physical

exercise

Use synonyms

, it can be handled by

food

Use synonyms

labelling and more sports facilities.

Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on Sun Oct 08 2023

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task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your introduction and conclusion clearly address the topic of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

293 words

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All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. What is the reason for this rise in obesity and how could it be tackled ?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think robots can improve human life in future, while others think robots may affect society in a bad way. Discuss both view points and give your opinion.

Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting.

Difference between countries are becoming less evident.Nowadays,people are watching the same films,fashion,brands,TV channels.This is a disadvantage or advantage?

Nowadays famous people are photographed by professional photographers everywhere they go. Some people say this is a good thing because the public are interested in their lives. Other people think that photographers are wrong to follow famous people.