IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that children should learn how advertisements try to persuade them to buy things in school. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is widely observed that an increasing number of youngsters are persuaded to buy the products which are promoted by
advertisements
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. A lot of forks suggest schools provide a subject to educate the sales tricks behind commercial promotion information,
while
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 others think it is not necessary to include
this
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 subject at
school
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. I personally stand with the first opinion.
However
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,
this
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 essay will give rationales for these two perspectives in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, schools should not teach children the selling aim of
advertisements
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 since
school
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 tutoring should be focused on academic subjects. Currently, most schools are facing limited teaching resources, and pressure from regulation to give
students
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 more breaks at
school
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.
Nevertheless
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, parents expect that their kids can pay attention to exam-oriented courses
such
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 as Mathematics, English and Science in order to enter a better university in the future.
In addition
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, parents believe that learning how customers are convinced to purchase goods by
advertisements
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 is common sense, which youngsters can understand on their own sooner or later.
On the other hand
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, there are two main reasons that children should learn the marketing purposes of
advertisements
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 from schoolteachers.
Firstly
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, it is easier and more effective for young people to avoid the harmful information delivered from
advertisements
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. The
school
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 educator understands the tutoring methodology which can let young people acknowledge the truth of substance.
As a result
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,
students
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 will not be attracted by
advertisements
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 to buy useless and unhealthy products, and it
further
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 causes bad habits
such
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 as smoking, drinking and game addiction. Another key factor is that
school
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 education should
also
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 be practical and relevant to young people’s after-
school
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 lives. Learning the persuasive selling techniques behind
advertisements
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 is useful to
school
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 kids as
advertisements
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 widely exist in people’s daily lives,
therefore
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, it is an appropriate
school
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 to educate
students
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 on the sales purpose of advertising products. In conclusion, considering the limited resources of teaching and class time,
students
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 should not learn how
advertisements
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 persuade people to purchase commodities at
school
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.
However
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, I believe that it is necessary for
school
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 children to acquire knowledge from teachers as
such
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 lessons can help
students
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 apart from negative messages and increase common sense.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction paragraph.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and consistent logical structure throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to make your arguments more precise and sophisticated.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar errors.
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