IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

These days, many people rely on traditional medicines rather than visiting doctors. Is this a positive or negative development.

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Today, many individuals depend on
alternative
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medicines
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 rather than doctors. In my opinion, I think
this
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 is a positive development because it can lead to saving money and has no side
effects
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 on the
body
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.
Firstly
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, when
people
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 rely on traditional
medicines
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, it can help save a lot of money, especially in places where healthcare costs a lot.
In other words
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, traditional
medicines
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 can be found easily because they are almost used every day in our lives.
For example
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, ginger is an
alternative
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 medicine that can be cooked with milk or tea to protect from a cold or fever.
Moreover
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, many traditional
medicines
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 can be planted easily in the garden.
As a result
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, they do not have to go to the hospital and it helps
people
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 to save money for those who suffer from financial situations.
Secondly
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,
alternative
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 treatment has no
effects
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 on the
body
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.
That is
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 to say,
people
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 may suffer from many other symptoms if they take
medicines
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 from a hospital.
For instance
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, Panadol helps with a cold or headache, but it has many
effects
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 on the
body
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such
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 as sleeping.
Furthermore
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, taking treatment more than three times will damage the kidneys,
whereas
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people
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 can take
alternative
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 treatment many times without affecting the
body
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.
Thus
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,
people
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 who suffer from other diseases, prefer using
alternative
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medicines
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 to protect them without side
effects
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.
To sum up
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, I believe that traditional
medicines
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 can lead to many benefits for individuals.
Hence
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, it can save many and can take it easily without side
effects
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 on the
body
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.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view by acknowledging any potential drawbacks of relying on traditional medicines. This would enhance your task response by showing a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Make sure to use more precise language and avoid vague phrases, such as ‘no effects on the body.’ Instead, discuss potential benefits more clearly defining what those are.
coherence
Try to improve the logical flow from one paragraph to another. For example, use transition words to link sentences and create a smoother progression of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence
Introduce better topic sentences for each paragraph that guide the reader on what to expect in that section. This would improve clarity and coherence in your main points.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion in your introduction, which is essential for a good task response.
task achievement
Your examples, like the use of ginger for treating colds, make your argument relatable and grounded, contributing positively to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Natural remedies
  • Cost-effective
  • Medical skepticism
  • Adverse side effects
  • Pharmaceutical companies
  • Accessibility
  • Rural regions
  • Anecdotal success stories
  • Holistic approach
  • Treat the root cause
  • Conventional medicine
  • Traditional practices
  • Economic factors
  • Trust and belief systems
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