IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
Recently, people have different views on the main environmental
problems
. Some think the reduction of
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
certain species of plants and animals is the primary environmental issue. Others hold the view that many
problems
 are more serious than
this
 problem. The first problem may
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
 many impacts on our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 indirectly.
Firstly
, nature loss can weaken the biodiversity that collectively dilutes and defends against some disease threats.
For instance
, scientists say that more diverse bird populations can help buffer humans against the effects of
West
Correct article usage
the West
show examples
 Nile virus.
Secondly
,
Deterioration
Correct article usage
the Deterioration
show examples
 of nature hurts our ability to heal, too. Numerous important medicines, including treatments for heart disease, Parkinson’s disease and various cancers, are derived from natural sources like plants and fungi. Biodiversity loss is threatening those resources, plus countless medicines yet to be discovered. These impacts are indirect to our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and are less direct than some other environmental
problems
. From my perspective, across the world, people are facing a wealth of new and challenging environmental
problems
 including the loss of biodiversity every day. Pollution of air, water, and soil requires millions of years to recoup. Industry and motor vehicle exhaust are the number one pollutants. Heavy metals, nitrates, and plastic are toxins responsible for pollution.
Besides
, nuclear waste disposal has tremendous health hazards associated with it. Plastic, fast food packaging, and cheap electronic
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
show examples
 threaten the well-being of humans. These issues have negative effects on our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 directly. If we leave these
problems
 alone, our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be affected terribly. In conclusion, I think there are still many environmental issues that are more urgent and more significant than the first.
Submitted by lxh892092573 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Consider rephrasing some sentences to improve the logical flow of ideas.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary to enhance your expression.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: